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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29694153">The Rebirth of Kieran Duffy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nigaki/pseuds/Nigaki'>Nigaki</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Wild and Soft [16]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftermath of Torture, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Chapter 4: Saint Denis (Red Dead Redemption 2), Disturbing Themes, Established John Marston/Arthur Morgan, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Jack is Arthur and John's kid, Kissing, M/M, Non-Consensual Touching, Torture</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:36:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,299</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29694153</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nigaki/pseuds/Nigaki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kieran didn’t even try to join the party thrown for Jack, he knew he wasn't welcome. It was his fault the boy was missing after all, his angry father made it clear enough by almost choking him against a tree back in Clemens Point.</p><p>Or the story about Kieran's kidnapping, tortures and rescue.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>John Marston/Arthur Morgan, Kieran Duffy/Mary-Beth Gaskill</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Wild and Soft [16]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687138</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Rebirth of Kieran Duffy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I wanted to write it for a while now and finally finished it. Kieran is one of my favorite characters so I wanted to change his story, imagine what would happen if he was saved by someone. So here it is. Mind the warnings in the tags, nothing is very graphic but still, be safe.</p><p>For the sake of the story I ignored that Kieran is apparently older than Arthur.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kieran didn’t even try to join the party thrown for Jack, he knew he wasn't welcome. It was his fault the boy was missing after all, his angry father made it clear enough by almost choking him against a tree back in Clemens Point.</p><p>So he stayed away, drinking alone among the horses and only watching longingly how others had fun drinking, singing, dancing. He watched the happy parents, how John and Arthur were constantly holding Jack in their laps, not daring to take their eyes off him after they almost lost him.</p><p>He desperately wanted to join them, say how sorry he was that he didn’t tell them about Braithwaites right away. He already said it twice, both to John and Arthur but they didn’t really care, only grunting in reply, even growling at him to leave them the hell alone.</p><p>So he did. That was for the best, he wasn't needed there anyway. Jack was fine and with his fathers again, nothing else mattered.</p><p>Or so he told himself while drinking more and more, wandering further away from the camp despite knowing he wasn’t allowed too. But everyone was too focused on Jack or too drunk to care where the O’Driscoll boy was.</p><p>O’Driscoll. He hated that name. He was Duffy. Kieran Duffy. A member of the van der Linde gang.</p><p>He wished everyone else felt the same, not only him.</p><p>In the end, he didn’t plan to wander that far from the camp. He just wanted to get away from the party to not feel ignored and unimportant. The worst that could happen to him was getting eaten by gators. But with how much he already drank he quickly found himself in a place he wasn’t recognizing. It could’ve been far from the camp or maybe it wasn’t, it was hard to tell since he was never leaving it at all and had no idea how the nearest area looked like.</p><p>When his whiskey ended, he dropped the bottle on the ground and tried to find his way back home.</p><p>Home, he snorted, feeling the sting of tears in the corner of his eyes. He had no home, who was he trying to fool?</p><p>Kieran had no idea how long he stumbled around before he noticed the light among the trees. He walked into its direction, excepting most of the party to be fast asleep by now. Someone was standing on guard duty though and shouted to stop him.</p><p>Strange. He didn’t recognize the voice.</p><p>Before he could ask who was asking, the person in front of him spoke again.</p><p>“Hey, it’s Kieran!”</p><p>They knew him, that must be it.</p><p>Next thing he knew, he felt pain in the side of his head and he dropped unconscious.</p><p> </p><p>Waking up was painful. Part of it was the fault of the hangover, the other, a throbbing sensation where Kieran was sure he was hit. It was hard to tell which was worse though, the only things he was sure of was that his head hurt a lot, he wasn't in Shady Belle and…</p><p>“Hello, Kieran.”</p><p>Kieran lifted his head and looked at the alpha in front of him. “Hello, Colm,” he said back, trying desperately not to show fear while his whole form was shaking in the chair he was bound too.</p><p>Colm showed him his disturbing smile before he straightened up, looking Kieran up and down in amusement. “It’s been a while, boy.”</p><p>Kieran gulped, turning his gaze away. He was never good at holding anyone’s gaze really. He wasn’t like omegas in Dutch’s gang, tough and brave. And with Colm it was even harder to be brave. You could never know what that lunatic would do next. “Few weeks,” he pointed out and found the courage in him to look around a bit. They were in some sort of cabin god knows where. There was only Colm with him but he was sure more alphas were outside. Waiting like hunting dogs to run after a helpless prey.</p><p>“Few weeks,” Colm confirmed and Kieran gulped again. The man was always making him nervous. “A few weeks spent with my sworn enemy. I hope you found out about something interesting while under Dutch’s care.”</p><p>“I was a prisoner,” he tried to lie. He wasn’t even lying that much. He wasn’t a gang member and nobody trusted him with anything. Except horses. And even that was too big in his opinion. What if he poisoned them? Not that he would ever do that. He would never hurt a horse. </p><p>Colm grinned, making Kieran squirm in his seat. The bounds around his legs and arms didn’t let him move much. “Yeah, my boys mentioned they were taking you for a walk on a leash. To Six Point Cabin I reckon.”</p><p>Kieran suspected Colm knew about this. He didn’t take part in the major part of the fight, Morgans’ and Bill killing everybody and Kieran only killing that one fella that almost ended Arthur's life. But it was possible that some O’Driscolls that escaped noticed him and told Colm all about this. And it wouldn’t matter to the alpha that Kieran was forced at gunpoint to lead Dutch’s boys there. That they threatened to cut his fingers if he won’t speak.</p><p>In the end it didn’t matter because instead of using the distraction caused by Arthur getting attacked – John was already going to help him, not paying attention to what was happening around him, desperate to save his mate, and Bill was confused for a short moment, making them two easy targets – and shooting the other two while the fella from the cabin would shoot Arthur, Kieran killed his own.</p><p>No, not his own. He never was an O’Driscoll. He only rode with them to have someone. To not be alone.</p><p>“I had no choice,” he explained himself, already knowing it was a weak excuse.</p><p>Colm slapped him unexpectedly. Kieran whimpered in pain as his head was twisted to the right with the blow. The pain in it increased and now his cheek stung too. “You had a choice, boy,” Colm growled. Kieran bared his neck on instinct, hating himself for how pathetic he was. Other omegas from the gang would probably stare at Colm unaffected or spit in his face. John would probably snarl as he would bite Colm’s nose off with his teeth. But Kieran wasn’t John, Karen or Tilly. He was just his pathetic little self. “You just chose wrong.”</p><p>Colm stepped away and started walking around him. Kieran tried not to flinch every time the alpha was getting closer behind his back. He failed when strong hands unexpectedly grabbed him tightly by the shoulders. He froze in place, listening to Colm’s breathing as he leaned closer to his ear.</p><p>“But you can still redeem yourself,” the alpha chuckled. “Just tell me about the old Dutch’s plan.”</p><p>Even if he wanted to, and he didn’t!, he had no idea about Dutch’s plans. After the fiasco in Rhodes, he was sure Dutch and Hosea didn’t even yet start planning anything new. Kieran could only suspect they were going to talk with this man that had Jack. Bronte or whatever the fella’s name was.</p><p>“I don’t know anything,” he stuttered.</p><p>Colm chuckled again and patted him on the arm before moving away once more. “I think you do,” he said and walked to the door. The alpha opened them and Kieran was blinded by a strong light coming from outside. It was a day, a few hours must’ve passed since he left the camp.</p><p>He wondered if anyone noticed. If anybody would. Maybe when their horses wouldn’t be cleaned for a few days.</p><p>Colm left him then, closing the door behind him. Kieran breathed out in relief but he knew the peace wouldn’t last forever. O’Driscolls were never leaving their victims for themselves. He saw them working before, horrified by what he witnessed being done, especially to omegas and their children.</p><p>Kieran knew he wasn’t going to leave this place alive.</p><p> </p><p>Colm didn’t return, someone else entered the cabin in the evening. The alpha poured freezing water on him, making Kieran yell in both surprise and pain that it caused to his skin. The water felt like thousands of needles were being stuck into his body all at once. He couldn’t breath for a moment, as if his lungs collapsed under themselves. When he finally got back his breath, he was panting and gasping, looking at the wet floor between his legs.</p><p>The alpha that threw the water on him laughed. “You were stinking, lad,” he explained and left.</p><p>The cold water didn’t go away even after a few hours because the night was cold too and there was no fire in the fireplace.</p><p>Kieran missed the fire at Shady Belle.</p><p> </p><p>They left him for the night, letting him sleep. But in the morning they came again, throwing another bucket of water at him. Kieran suffocated once more but once he was done, he lapped at the water around his mouth and droplets running down his face towards his lips. He felt so thirsty since yesterday.</p><p>“Good morning, Kieran,” Colm greeted him. Kieran didn’t even look at him, choosing to stare at the floor instead. In the corner of his vision, he noticed one of Colm’s boys walking behind him. “Ready to talk while I’m still in a good mood?”</p><p>Kieran remained silent, breaking it with a yelp only when the chair was tugged back and he landed on the ground with an O’Driscoll standing above him. A second later a foot was pressed onto his chest, preventing him from breathing properly.</p><p>“Answer when the boss asks you a question,” the alpha said, stepping even harder.</p><p>Kieran gritted his teeth in pain. “He’s not my boss,” he gasped and breathed in when the foot was taken from his chest.</p><p>The relief was brief, because he was kicked a moment later, right into a kidney. Kieran wanted to curl around himself but he was unable to move. He took a kick after kick till he was sobbing.</p><p>They stopped.</p><p>“Show some respect,” the other alpha said and spat at him. Kieran was in too much pain to be disgusted.</p><p>The man swept places with Colm who crouched next to Kieran with a cruel smile and shaking his head. “Kieran, Kieran, Kieran,” he mocked. “I took you in like my own son and you paid me like that. Working with my enemy.”</p><p>“I didn’t work with them, I was their prisoner!”</p><p>Colm tsked. “You think I'm stupid, boy, is that it?” he asked, grabbing Kieran’s hair painfully and tugging hard to make it even more painful. Kieran whimpered and closed his eyes. “Dutch isn’t one for sentiments. He would’ve killed you a long time ago if you weren’t useful.” Colm’s hand slipped from his hair and moved to his chest, touching around his nipples. Kieran swallowed the bile in his throat. Even with eyes still closed he knew Colm was smiling, he could hear it in his next words. “I wonder how useful you was being to him,” the alpha wondered, moving his hand further down, between Kieran’s legs.</p><p>Kieran could do nothing to stop him, he was completely helpless as Colm rubbed him through his pants. Thankfully, it didn’t last long. Colm was never interested in him like that, even now he probably wasn’t. He just wanted to humiliate him. “Did you become his bitch, boy?”</p><p>“Dutch is a gentleman,” Kieran responded firmly. During his long stay with Dutch’s gang, he was never bothered sexually. Probably because he just wasn’t attractive but he liked to think alphas of the gang were just decent people. “So are his alphas.”</p><p>“Ah, yes.” Colm stood up chuckling. The O’Driscoll from before picked up the chair and made it stand again. He lifted it so fast Kieran was dizzy for a short second. “A perfect Dutch. A loving father of two that made their own little one against Dutch’s wishes. I wouldn’t be surprised if the kid was his and not Morgan’s.”</p><p>Kieran felt a sudden anger at the insinuation and he snarled against his better judgment. “You leave Jack Morgan out of this.”</p><p>Colm laughed at him, watching him in amusement. “Maybe those vacations at Dutch’s weren't completely useless, you got some fire in you, lad!” the alpha mocked. Kieran gritted his teeth in another silent snarl. He had no idea what came into him, just the mention of Jack flared up all of his protective instincts. “You like that boy, don’t you?”</p><p>“I told you to leave him alone!”</p><p>His next snarl was interrupted by a slap to the back of the head that shook it so violently he was sure his brain moved inside like beans in a can. Colm calmed the man that hit Kieran. “Let him finally show some anger,” he mocked, slouching slightly to be on the same eye level as Kieran. “So? What is it, boy? You like little Jack?” Colm cocked his head at him when he didn’t answer. He loved that boy, he was surprised by that himself. “Hoping that maybe if you’ll be a good nanny, Morgan will put a baby in you too?”</p><p>“I respect Arthur and John Morgan,” Kieran answered honestly. “That’s why I don’t want you to mention their child that has nothing to do with this. Especially with me.”</p><p>“Oh but it has!” Colm exclaimed, standing at full height. After his little display of anger, Kieran felt small once again. “You clearly care about that boy, maybe we could use him to make you speak.”</p><p>Kieran tugged at his bounds. “Don’t you dare!” he growled, his voice shaking with anger and fear.</p><p>“See, that’s what I’m talking about,” Colm addressed his man who chuckled behind Kieran. “It almost seems like you birthed that boy. The last time I saw such a protectiveness towards him was when I approached John when he had a boy with him. Such a sweet little thing. I bet he grew since then, he was already big when I last saw him. His omega father was fiercely protecting him, just like you’re now.”  </p><p>Kieran turned his head in shame. So what if he was protecting the boy? Jack was just that, a boy, an innocent child. He should always be protected, no matter by who, so men like Colm couldn’t harm him, turning his childhood into a nightmare like many people’s was.</p><p>“No? Nothing?” Colm sighed, disappointed. “Looks like it was just one spark that got you snarling.”</p><p>“Should I make him speak, boss?” the O’Driscoll asked.</p><p>Kieran waited for Colm’s response, his fingers wrapped tightly around the armrests. </p><p>“No, the boy knows nothing. Dutch wouldn't tell him a thing, even while fucking him, and he's too stupid to notice anything important on his own.”</p><p>“Then why did you torture me?!” Kieran asked, shocked. He regretted it when Colm got uncomfortably close.</p><p>“Because I like hurting people,” he answered simply. “And I really want to hurt Dutch and his little family right now. And maybe you don’t know about his plans but you know where you were all staying, don’t you, boy?” Kieran didn’t answer but he didn’t need to. Colm wasn’t asking to confirm something he already knew. “I doubt they always kept a bag around your head to prevent you from seeing the location of their camp. So tell me, Kieran. Where is Dutch hiding this time?”</p><p>“I won’t tell you,” he said without hesitation. “There is nothing you can do to me to make me speak,” he added with a growl that made Colm’s lips curl into a smile.</p><p>There was no chance Kieran was going to tell where to find Jack and his fathers. Where to find the whole gang that he grew fond of despite the feelings not being mutual. He wouldn’t allow Colm to hurt his family. Little Jack, all the omegas with Mary-Beth among them.</p><p>Sweet Mary-Beth. He hoped at least she missed him and noticed his absence.</p><p>He never got the courage to speak to her properly but she was always so nice to him, so kind. He would like to see her again, her smile, hear her laugh at the thing she read in one of her books.</p><p>Why did he never tell her? She would’ve understood.  </p><p>“You will,” Colm assured him and backed away. Kieran could breathe properly. “You will, Kieran,” he repeated and turned to his man. “Inform me immediately when he says something. Do whatever you want to make him speak, just don’t kill him. I want to do it personally, especially if he won’t speak like he says he won’t.”</p><p>“Yes, boss.”</p><p>Colm left and Kieran was left with the other alpha who walked around him. They looked at each other, the other man smiling at him cruelly. “We’re going to have some fun together.”</p><p>Kieran had no doubt about that. But he kept his mouth shout through it, opening it only to scream in pain when the O’Driscoll started his torture.</p><p> </p><p>They were taking turns with him. Kieran quickly lost the track of time, he passed out so much he had no idea how many days passed since his capture. There were probably a few at this point. He wasn’t hoping for saving. Even if his absence was noticed, everyone probably thought he returned to O’Driscolls. They would’ve been right in a way. Only if Kieran had anything to say about this return, he would still be in Shady Belle, shyly watching Mary-Beth, trying to convince himself to talk to her. He would be picked a lot by Bill and sometimes Micah just for their entertainment. Sadie would probably tease him too, same with Arthur. Maybe he would get some nice words from Molly or Charles because they were nice like that.</p><p>Instead he was there, beaten and tortured but thankfully never raped, even when his heat unexpectedly started, a month earlier than it should. It was probably all the stress, it triggered it to affect alphas and make them calm and protective towards him. Only it wasn’t working for ages now, people being too high above their instincts to fall for such a simple trick.</p><p>They weren’t even at least gentler with him since the heat started. But through most of it, they left him alone, letting him sit in his own slick that was leaking out of him. He wasn’t even allowed to put rags inside his pants, they enjoyed his humiliation, mocking him about wanting a knot, to be someone’s bitch as he squirmed in his seat, his body preparing itself for a child he couldn’t have.</p><p> </p><p>They got back to beating when the heat ended. At least Kieran knew for sure twelve hours passed since the heat even started. But he quickly lost track of time again when they continued torturing him. They beat him, pressed lit cigarettes to his skin, threw cold water at him, put roaches under his clothes, watching him scream in terror as the bugs ran all around his body, even between his legs.</p><p>But the worst was when they finally released him from the chair only to put him against the wall, hanging from some hook. They whipped him like a horse, laughing at his pain all the time. First it only burned but soon the skin started to tear in places whips were gracing it with a loud smack that unfortunately couldn’t silence his howls of agony. They did this for god knows how long, then put his shirt back on and sat him on the chair again.  </p><p>They were back to simple beating then. He wept like a baby most of the time he wasn’t screaming in pain. If he had any hope to be saved, he would’ve lost it by now. He was going to die here, killed by Colm himself. O’Driscolls kept telling him he could still end this if he just spoke but he knew the truth. He worked with them after all. He would die even if he spoke, so the least he could do was stay quiet about Dutch’s gang. If he would have to die, he wanted to save others by that. Dutch, Hosea, all the girls, Morgans’, everyone.</p><p>Mary-Beth.</p><p>Thinking of them safe was the only thing keeping Kieran going still. Maybe the gang didn’t care about him, but he cared about the gang. And he hoped he would be remembered as the one he didn’t talk.</p><p> </p><p>They gave up in the end, but not before having fun for the last time. They couldn’t make him open his mouth, so they made sure he couldn’t see in return.</p><p>When they were slowly taking his eyes, enjoying every second of his suffering, he thought about telling everything he knew about the gang.</p><p>But he didn’t.</p><p>Because even with his eyes thrown at the floor and crushed under some boot, eye sockets leaking bloody tears, he could still see everyone at Shady Belle, happy and at peace after getting Jack back. Unaware of what was happening, unaware of the danger and open for the attack.</p><p>They managed to open his mouth, but he only screamed in reply.</p><p> </p><p>Colm was to arrive in two days. Give or take. Kieran didn’t care at this point. He waited for his end, fed and hydrated only enough so he couldn’t die before Colm could get there. They even took care of his eyes and back, or what was left of both, because with so much damage done to him he could die because of the infection in a matter of hours most likely. He was already so weak it wouldn’t take long.</p><p>O’Driscolls were coming to him only to mock him now, telling him what Colm was going to do to him. He didn’t care about that either. The only thing that mattered was that he didn’t talk, he kept everyone safe, at least for now. Because with the amount of trouble the gang was getting into since he knew them, it probably wouldn’t be too long till the next one.</p><p>But Kieran’s conscience was clean. He could be proud of at least one thing at the end of his life. Yes, he saved outlaws, it would probably be safer for the world to let Dutch’s gang and O’Driscolls kill themselves. But Dutch’s gang wasn’t only outlaws, there were innocent people there, an innocent child. They didn’t deserve to die for the sins of others, especially if they could redeem themselves.</p><p>Kieran hoped some of the people in the gang were going to save themselves, live a normal life. That was his only wish before dying. That and for Mary-Beth to never find out what happened to him. It would break her.  </p><p>Without eyes it was even harder to sense the time but he assumed it was night when he was woken up by a sudden noise. O’Driscolls left him alone for the night, probably sleeping in another cabin nearby. Did they return to torture him more? </p><p>Kieran listened to what woke him up. Maybe Colm arrived earlier and was coming? He had no idea until he heard the noise again and then a yell to grab guns.</p><p>It started then.</p><p>He heard many bullets being shot from all directions, O’Driscolls screaming about attack and Dutch’s boys. Kieran had no idea how many men Colm left with him but they were getting fewer and fewer until one familiar voice broke through the shootout.</p><p>“Where are you running, O’Driscolls?!” a characteristic, hoarse voice of John Marston asked.</p><p>“Cowards!” Sadie screamed, following it with a couple of shots and then she shouted in triumph while John laughed in delight. </p><p>“Not so willing picking on stronger than you, ain’t you?!” Arthur joined, mocking the running O’Driscolls. When Kieran heard another couple of shots, he knew all three, if not more, hit another of Colm’s boys that tried to run away. “We were outnumbered, where are you going?!”</p><p>“One of us is like five of them,” Sadie snorted. They were right next to the door, he heard them clearly despite some horses neighing loudly in the distance. “Damn, boys, you know how to shoot.”</p><p>“You ain’t so bad yourself, Sadie,” John responded. What were they doing here? Surely they weren't looking for him. They didn’t care. “They all dead?”</p><p>“I can shoot them one more time to make sure.”</p><p>“Jesus, Sadie, calm down,” John told her. Sadie huffed. </p><p>“Let’s find what we came here for, maybe Charles wasn’t wrong,” Arthur ordered. “Sadie, check the bodies for valuables and slit everyone’s throat for good measure."</p><p>“Gladly.” The smile in Sadie’s voice was hearable.</p><p>“Marston, check that cabin, I check the other one.”</p><p>“Sure, darlin’.”</p><p>Kieran sat still. Whoever was going to check the cabin he was in, was up for a surprise when they found him. Whatever they were looking for, they surely didn’t expect him.</p><p>The door to his cabin got opened and despite knowing it wasn’t one of Colm’s men, Kieran still tensed. “Jesus Christ,” he heard John speaking. “He’s here!” </p><p>It didn’t take long for the two alpha to join him, Sadie got there first, he recognized her by the growl she let out. “Animals,” she snarled with disgusts.</p><p>Arthur didn’t say anything but Kieran heard him draw in the air in shock. He must’ve looked horrible to them, maybe even dead because he didn’t have strength to move and show them he was still alive. Maybe they were there accidently but they could still help him. If he could only move to show them he was alive. </p><p>They simply stood in front of him for a while, clearly not being able to move. When they did, they did it all at once. Kieran tried to smell them but the stench of blood, piss and everything else covered scents he came to recognize on one whiff already. Because of that, he wasn’t sure if his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him in its last moment. But the hands on his shoulder and later cheek were so real. So were the ones holding his wrist as the knife cut through the rope bounding him to a chair.</p><p>Even cut they didn’t fall to the floor. They dug themselves into his skin so deep when he struggled to get free from the tortures that they stayed there. He groaned when someone tried to pull them off. “Shit, sorry,” John apologized and continued, only gentler. </p><p>Arthur let out a breath of relief. “He’s alive,” he said. “Jesus, I thought we wouldn’t find you.”</p><p>Kieran had the urge to blink but it only hurt his empty eye sockets. “You…” He made a pause to groan when the ropes were taken from his wound they made. “You were looking for me?”</p><p>“Sorry it took so long,” Arthur apologized, grabbing him gently by the chin to take a look at his face. “What the hell did they do to you?”</p><p>“My eyes… I… I can’t see,” he said with a broken voice. They took his eyes.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Kieran,” Arthur said with sympathy. Sadie was freeing Kieran’s other hand, John was already doing the same for his right leg. “They’re gone.”</p><p>He knew that already, he felt every moment of them being pulled out. Whenever he was passing out, they were simply waking him up again. But it still hit hard now and before he knew it, he started sobbing.</p><p>He couldn’t see.</p><p>“When did they do that?” Arthur asked him gently. He never did that before, not to him. Kieran only ever heard him speaking like that to other people, the girls, his mate or his child. Never to him.</p><p>“Dunno,” he answered, his head lolling down when Arthur wasn’t holding it anymore. “I couldn’t tell,” he added weakly with another sob. He was so tired.</p><p>Arthur left somewhere after that, he heard him leaving. It was so strange to not be able to see.</p><p>“Okay, alright, we’re going to take you out of here,” John assured. Ropes around his legs came out easier, they didn’t do as much damage through pants as on the naked skin. “We would’ve been earlier but we…”</p><p>John didn’t follow with what he wanted to say, he just helped Sadie lift him from the chair and together they carried him outside. Literally, because he couldn’t move his legs. He wouldn’t be surprised if one of them or both, turned out to be broken.  </p><p>“Easy, O’Driscoll,” Sadie told him, taking most of his weight on herself while going down the stairs. John did the same and they very slowly went down two steps. Even that was too much for Kieran, who hanged helplessly between the alpha and the omega.</p><p>Kieran heard horses’ hoofbeats on the ground. One of them sniffed him curiously and Kieran wanted very much to stroke its nose, took its comfort it was offering but he couldn’t move on his own, his whole body in horrible pain even long after tortures ended.</p><p>“Put him on my horse, it’s the shortest,” Arthur spoke. Kieran wasn't aware the alpha was there but it made sense. He was probably the one who brought the horses.</p><p>John and Sadie moved him closer to Arthur mount. The shortest didn’t mean that the tobiano mare was short by any means, she was a Fox Trotter, those weren’t short. But even climbing a pony in this state would be too hard for Kieran.</p><p>“Careful, Marston,” Sadie hissed as Kieran groaned when they lifted him.</p><p>“I’m being careful!” John snapped back.</p><p>“You handled a newborn Jack with the same grace?”</p><p>John growled in response. Kieran wanted to smile at the exchange but even his lips hurt.</p><p>Arthur helped the two from the other side of the horse, settling Kieran in the saddle. No matter how careful they were, every move hurt. But they tried and he was glad for that because he could’ve been in a bigger pain than that.</p><p>Once in the saddle, he almost fell from it, stopped only by three pairs of hands steading him gently until Arthur sat behind him and held him on his own. Kieran sagged against him, glad for the support, even if it hurt his back. But he was too tired to care. “I didn’t tell them anything,” he swore, shaking in Arthur’s hold. “I swear I didn’t.”</p><p>“We know,” Sadie assured him. “Let’s get out of here in case some of them ran off and will bring more of them. Not that I would complain.”</p><p>“I didn’t tell them,” Kieran repeated. He needed for them to know this. He never spoke about anything. “I swear, I…”</p><p>“Easy, boy.” Arthur patted his belly gently where he kept his hand, muttering a gruff apology quickly after when Kieran hissed at the contact. “We know you didn’t. The gang is safe, and so do you.”</p><p>“Safe,” he whispered. It sounded too good, he wanted to cry.</p><p>“I’ll ride ahead to see if it’s clear,” John offered, already trotting away before Arthur could nod at him.</p><p>“I’ll watch our backs.” Sadie slowed down to stay a bit away from them as they rode slowly, Arthur never hurrying his mare more than into a trot to not shake Kieran too much.</p><p>“We’ll be home soon, Kieran,” Arthur assured him, rubbing soothing circles on Kieran’s stomach. It felt nice, reminded him of his omega mother doing the same whenever his tummy ached.</p><p>But something wasn't right.</p><p>“Home?” he questioned, raising his head slightly but quickly dropping it back against the alpha’s shoulder. </p><p>“Yeah, kid. Home.”</p><p>He wanted to be home. Wherever it was.</p><p> </p><p>He regained consciousness with a startle, jumping in place despite his body protesting. He didn’t go far, there was something wrapped around his middle that kept him in place. He struggled against it and the hold tightened, firm but gentle.</p><p>“Easy, boy,” a familiar voice reached his ears. Kieran settled down, everything coming back to his senses. He felt Arthur’s chest moving against his back, and heard the slow pattern of three horses walking next to each other, huffing from time to time. He wasn’t with O’Driscolls anymore, he could feel that, he could hear that. Only he couldn’t see.</p><p>“I can’t see,” he said, terrified, tightly gripping Arthur’s forearm wrapped around his belly. Why couldn’t he see!</p><p>He raised a hand to his eyes, maybe they were covered? But before he could reach them, a calloused hand grabbed his palm and settled it back in his lap.</p><p>“Don’t touch that,” Arthur ordered him with sorrow in his voice.</p><p>“But my eyes…” he protested.</p><p>“There are no eyes, boy,” Sadie told him.</p><p>John choked on the air suddenly and Kieran felt a growl rumbling in Arthur’s chest. “Sadie!” he hissed warningly.</p><p>“What? There is no point in keeping it from him. You gonna pretend it didn’t happen?”</p><p>“Not pretend, just lay it down gently,” John suggested.</p><p>Sadie snorted. “This isn’t your boy, John, he doesn’t need pampering. Besides, he knows already, he just forgot.”</p><p>Kieran turned his head towards her. “Forgot what?”</p><p>“They took your eyes, Kieran,” she answered without a hitch, but with sympathy. “Sorry, kid.”</p><p>They took his… He almost raised his hand to touch his face again but Arthur once again stopped him. “You’ll infect that,” he explained, keeping Kieran’s palm in his own to prevent another try, his arm keeping the other hand in place as well. “Hell, it probably is already. But we’ll be back in the camp soon, just a few more minutes.”</p><p>Kieran swallowed thickly, desperately trying to blink to open his eyes, to see but it was only bringing him pain. Still, he kept doing it till he whimpered in pain.</p><p>“Jesus Christ, Kieran, stop,” John told him. “I’m sorry but they’re gone.”</p><p>“It hurts,” he whispered, slumping against the chest behind him. Now it hurt even more, only in his back. </p><p>“Here.” He only realized he was being given something when he felt a cold glass touching his palm. “Drink this.”</p><p>With shaking hands, he lifted the bottle to his lips and a taste of whiskey greeted his tongue with a pleasant burn. He drowned half of that thing in just a couple of gulps, mostly out of thirst rather than to stop the pain, but that was helpful too. When he took the bottle away, he gasped for air, having stopped breathing in his desperation to drink.</p><p>He gave himself a few more seconds to regain his normal breathing but no matter how long he was waiting, every puff of breath was still shaky from pain his body was drowning in. He feared it would never stop hurting and he wasn’t even hurt as much as some victims of Colm. If this was bad, he didn’t want to think what Colm would’ve done to him if Morgans’ and Sadie didn’t arrive.</p><p>“How long have I been gone?” he asked eventually.</p><p>“A week,” Arthur responded.  </p><p>“A week,” he repeated. “It felt like a year.”</p><p>“I bet.” There was some sense of humor in Arthur’s hoarse voice when he said that and it brought some consolation to Kieran. That and after hearing Irish accents for days, it was nice to finally hear someone with an American accent again. “Felt the same when I was with them.”</p><p>Kieran shivered when he heard a low growl coming from John at the mention of that kidnapping from a few weeks ago. He’d never been so scared than during those days when Arthur was gone and John paced the camp like an angry, cornered lion, snapping at everyone who wasn't his boy. He wondered if someone showed the same concern for him while he was gone.</p><p>“I thought no one was coming for me,” he admitted with a sad smile.</p><p>There was a long silence and Kieran had a feeling his saviors were sharing looks but he couldn’t be sure. Because he couldn’t see. Oh god, he couldn’t see.</p><p>“We weren't,” John revealed finally. “At first at last. We only ever noticed you’re gone after two days or something. And it was Mary-Beth who brought that attention to us.” Sweet Mary-Beth. Kieran didn’t deserve to have a friend like her. “And even then we thought you returned to Colm.”</p><p>“Oh, I returned, alright,” he replied bitterly, wincing shortly after. “Sorry,” he apologized to the older omega.</p><p>He heard John cursing, not knowing why. “No, we’re sorry,” he said, guilty. “We shouldn’t have assumed. But days were passing and no one was coming to get us so we finally realized you were most likely kidnapped.”</p><p>“We saddled up our horses soon after,” Sadie added. “Charles pointed us in direction, he saw some O’Driscolls on a hunt one day and he added one to one. He told Arthur, Morgan grabbed his husband, I joined and we went to the cabin and there you was, in the first place we checked.”</p><p>“I’ll have to thank Charles and Mary-Beth,” he realized. He didn’t expect Charles to take part in this. From all the gang, the always stoic Indian was probably the one except Mary-Beth who never picked up on him. He looked at Kieran suspiciously at first, still in Horseshoe, but it passed after some time and the big alpha was simply ignoring him most of the time, but he never failed to say ‘good morning’ over the coffee or praise Kieran for a good work.</p><p>But what was Kieran even thinking? Charles was probably just worried about O’Driscolls and that’s why he informed Arthur. To protect the gang, not with Kieran in mind.</p><p>“And you,” he added after a moment. “Thank you, for coming for me. You probably didn’t want that but I'm still grateful.”</p><p>Nobody said anything so he assumed he was right and went back to sleep, lulled to it by pain and the sound of hoofbeats.</p><p> </p><p>Kieran wished he could sleep forever, but he was brutally pulled out from another dreamless sleep by a loud shout. </p><p>“We need some help here!” Sadie yelled as she rode ahead of them. They must’ve arrived in Shady Belle. Kieran didn’t think he would ever see this place again. </p><p>Well, not see. He couldn’t see shit even though he knew his eyes were open.</p><p>But he could still hear and there was a lot of commotion going on all around him when Arthur and John arrived after Sadie, still in a slow pace to not jolt Kieran too much. So much noise was making him confused, he wasn’t even in a right shape to comprehend what was going on, just that a lot of people were talking all at once.  </p><p>But one voice stood out more than any other among the overwhelming cacophony. </p><p>“Oh my god, Kieran!” His head turned towards Mary-Beth’s voice almost on its own. His heart stung when he couldn’t see her after but he knew she was there when she gently grabbed his hand. “He’s alive! He’s alive, you found him.”</p><p>“Alive but badly hurt,” John pointed out. </p><p>“Dear god, who did this to this boy?” Dutch asked.</p><p>“O’Driscolls, who else?”</p><p>Somewhere in the distance, Ms. Grimshaw was already barking orders and telling Reverend to sober up because he was needed. Kieran could only sit, still held against Arthur while the chaos continued. He wasn't expecting it to be so big, it almost reminded him how the gang acted when Arthur returned after being kidnapped by Colm. Or how John was brought back to Colter. Kieran was in the old stable at this point yet, among the horses, but he heard what was happening outside. Even in his wildest dreams he didn’t expect the same amount of worry when it would come to him. </p><p>It was overwhelming and he felt like crying. This couldn’t be real, right? He was hallucinating while still in Colm’s clutches. It was just a dream preceding his painful death, he was going to wake up one last time to give his final cry of agony. </p><p>“Those disgusting animals,” Dutch growled, deep and menacing. Kieran curled around himself out of instinct. Arthur shushed him and only then Kieran realized he started whimpering in distress. “Did he tell them anything?”</p><p>Kieran felt like another punch thrown by one of the O’Driscolls landed on his bruised face. </p><p>“For god’s sake, this is not the time for this question, Dutch,” Hosea noted angry. </p><p>“This is exactly the right time for that question, old man.” Micah. “What if we get attacked because dear Kieran here spilled the beans, huh?”</p><p>“We would’ve been attacked a long time ago and Kieran wouldn’t even be alive.”</p><p>“I didn’t say anything,” Kieran swore, panicked. “I swear, I didn’t, they asked but I didn’t, I…”</p><p>This time it was Mary-Beth who shushed him, gently stroking his hand in hers. </p><p>“We’ll have time for this later,” Susan interrupted them. “We need to take care of the boy first, you can start your interrogation later, Dutch.”</p><p>No, no more interrogation. Kieran started shaking.</p><p>“I didn’t tell, I swear, I swear,” he cried with desperation, hoping he was saying it all in the right direction. “Mr. Dutch, I didn’t, I would never…”</p><p>“It’s okay, son,” Dutch calmed him. Still trembling, Kieran adjusted his head to ‘look’ at him. “You’re safe, we’ll take care of you. Help get him off the horse.”</p><p>Mary-Beth let go of his hand and someone else took her place right after. With Arthur’s help they took him from the horse. He groaned with pain at every move despite the carefulness of them. “Easy there, amigo.”</p><p>Javier. And someone else took him by the other arm, wrapping it around their own shoulder. Wanted it or not, Kieran smelled that person and recognized Bill. Both alphas started to take him somewhere. </p><p>“Put him in our room,” Karen suggested, walking somewhere next to them. “Me and the girls can sleep downstairs for now, he needs peace.”</p><p>“I got the bath ready,” Tilly informed, joining from the left. It was so strange to analyze everything using only his hearing. He was lost, even hearing everyone he couldn’t tell what was happening or where exactly he was. </p><p>And it wasn’t even easy to listen to because people were talking over themselves, Cain was barking and there were lots of other sounds that were making him dizzy. Or maybe it was the loss of blood and lack of sleep? He couldn’t tell. </p><p>Bill and Javier had to practically carry him up the stairs and those were just a few steps leading to the porch of the house. </p><p>At this point, Kieran was barely lucid but he was aware that he was put in a warm bath and washed gently, but he didn’t know by who. Whoever it was, he felt bad for them, they had to clean all the dirt, slick, piss and shit he was drowning in for the last week. It must’ve smelled something horrible but no one complained and he was glad for the care. </p><p>After a week of feeling only pain, there were finally gentle hands touching him, bringing comfort. With that and after drinking a whole bottle of laudanum, Kieran fell into a deep sleep. </p><p> </p><p>There was something soft over his eyes when he woke up again, birds chirping just outside the window. In fact, he was covered with softens entirely but it took him a few seconds to realize he was under a warm, heavy quilt. It was always warm in the swamps but Kieran felt cold so he was grateful for being covered.  </p><p>It took a lot of effort to raise his hand from under there and touch his face where a bandage was resting against his eyes, or rather empty holes that were left of them.</p><p>He dropped the hand with a pained sigh. So it wasn’t a dream, he was really blind. His lower lip quivered and before he knew it, he started to cry, weeping like a baby. </p><p>How was he supposed to live blind now? He saw people doing that. Their gang encountered someone like that once during travel, Arthur even gave the fella some money, getting some silly prophecy in return. </p><p>Was that how he was going to end? As some beggar on the side of the road, depending on other people’s generosity and good hearts? He obviously couldn’t stay within the gang. He was useless now, blind people couldn’t do anything, he was going to be thrown out the moment he was back on his feet.</p><p>If Dutch would even allow that instead of killing him. It would be a mercy kill from his part, Kieran was surprised he wasn’t dead right now. Why waste medicine on him when he was practically a dead man anyway? </p><p>The door to the room opening startled him. His heartbeat went crazy right away but it started slowing down again when a familiar scent reached him. </p><p>“Oh good, you’re awake,” Mary-Beth said softly. It annoyed him that he couldn’t see her smile he loved so much. “I brought you something to eat.”</p><p>Kieran’s stomach rumbled in response and Mary-Beth chuckled. “Thank you,” he replied in a whisper, trying to sit a bit straighter. He hissed when he pulled at the ripped skin on his back. </p><p>“Oh, careful.” Mary-Beth was by his side in a second. “Ms. Grimshaw did a good job with whip wounds on your back, don’t want to ruin that.”</p><p>“It hurts,” he said, his voice trembling from the pain. Mary-Beth adjusted the pillow so it wasn’t putting too much pressure on his wounds. “My whole body hurts.”</p><p>“You was hurt pretty badly,” she said with sorrow, sitting down on the edge of the bed. </p><p>“Nothing is as bad as this.” He pointed at his eyes and another sob bubbled in his throat. He was aware of the bandages covering his body almost everywhere, especially his back and chest, but also those fingers where his nails were pulled off and wrists where the ropes dug into his skin, his flesh. He could feel two o tree stitches on his face when he talked too. He was one, big living bruise but all of that could heal with time. </p><p>His eyes wouldn’t grow back. </p><p>He couldn’t stop himself from crying. Mary-Beth grabbed his hand but when that didn’t work to calm him down, she simply hugged him. Laying his head on her chest, he wept till he fell asleep from exhaustion. </p><p> </p><p>Kieran was sure it was dark when he woke up again. There was no one with him in the room but he couldn’t be sure.</p><p>“Hello?” he asked softly but no one responded. </p><p>He heard rustling coming from the door. He tensed under the quilt, blood in his ears so loud he didn’t hear the person moving. </p><p>Only it turned out it wasn't a person when he felt a shy lick on his fingers. </p><p>“Oh,” he breathed out, relieved. He laughed at his own silliness. “It’s only you, Cain.”</p><p>The dog whimpered and put his front paws on the bed as Kieran scratched his head with uninjured fingers. The dog whimpered again, his whole body moving with the intensity of his wagging tail. Kieran chuckled. Dog’s joy was hard to miss even without seeing it. </p><p>“You scared me, boy,” he said softly to the mutt. “Did they leave you here to guard me? So I won’t escape?”</p><p>Cain didn’t answer, obviously, he only climbed further onto the bed and laid next to Kieran, resting his head in the crook of his elbow. The dog licked his muzzle a couple of times and shifted for a while before he found the comfortable position and settled down, his tail still wagging against Kieran’s leg. </p><p>“You should go back to Jack, I bet he misses you.” The boy loved Cain to death, Kieran would rather not take him away from the child but he had to admit it was nice to have Cain with him now. The dog wasn’t the best protector, not so long ago it ran away scared of a harmless lizard, but he felt safer with him anyway. And it’s warm presence was comforting. </p><p>With Cain’s back raising and falling steadily under his hand with each breath, Kieran returned to sleep once more. </p><p> </p><p>Someone taking off his bandages woke him up again. He groaned in confusion and tried to stop that person but he was easily overpowered. </p><p>“It’s alright, Kieran,” Swanson’s voice reached his ears. “I need to take a look, that’s all.”</p><p>Kieran calmed down and let the alpha work. “How bad is it?” he asked fearfully.</p><p>“Not as bad as I thought.” That didn’t actually comfort him. Bad or not, he couldn’t see. </p><p>“Could it be worse?”</p><p>“You could’ve been dead, boy.” </p><p>“I ain’t so sure it would be so bad.”</p><p>Swanson’s hands stilled over Kieran’s empty eye sockets and a tense silence settled between them. “I’m sure you feel like there is no point in living right now,” the man said eventually, getting back to checking the healing process. “But you didn’t even give yourself a chance to try living like that.”</p><p>“What’s to give a chance for?” Kieran asked bitterly. “I was only good at cleaning and taking care of the horses, how am I supposed to do that now?” He moved his head away from Reverend and pointed where his eyes were not so long ago. “I can’t see!”</p><p>Swanson watched him, he could feel it but the alpha wasn't saying anything. Kieran wondered if the man was going to leave him to cover back his eyes alone. But then the big but gentle hands were back on his face. Kieran’s breath hitched with sob. Why did he have to be so weak?</p><p>“Bill can’t think,” Reverend said randomly. “Uncle can’t muster enough energy to be productive. Mr. Morgan can’t charm people even when his life depends on it. Mr. Marston can’t swim. Mr. Bell is incapable of taking care of others. Mr. Mathews and other boys can’t cook.” Where was he going with this? “And I can’t stay sober even when I’m supposed to raise morals in people I care about.” Kieran hissed when Reverend cleaned the gaping holes left by the eyes. “We all have something that stops us from doing certain tasks. That’s why we have people to help us. You’ll find your thing eventually, Mr. Duffy. I don’t know how, but you will. And to be honest, I don’t think you can’t take care of horses anymore. You’re a natural, you’ll figure it out.” Kieran sobbed. He couldn’t really believe in that yet, but he really wanted to. “For now, you just rest and heal. There’ll be time to find you a job later on.” </p><p>“What if Dutch won’t give me that time?”</p><p>Why should he? He had bigger problems on his head than taking care of a blind man who will only slow them all down. </p><p>Swansonw finished cleaning and started wrapping bandages around Kieran’s eyes again. “Did he didn’t give that time to Mr. Morgan and Mr. Marston while they were hurt?”</p><p>“That’s different,” he muttered. “They’re part of the gang.”</p><p>“And you ain’t?”</p><p>“I…” He paused, not sure what to say at first. “I wish I was.”</p><p>“You wouldn’t be here if you weren't,” the Reverend assured him and after patting his arm gently, he stood up. “You must be hungry, I’ll send someone to give you food.”</p><p>Kieran nodded and thought of what Reverend told him while he waited. </p><p> </p><p>It was Mary-Beth again who brought the food. </p><p>“Hey,” she greeted him. “How are you feeling?”</p><p>“Alright,” he lied. Everything still hurt but he didn’t want to worry her. </p><p>“I’m glad.” Just like the other day, Mary-Beth sat on the bed, a spoon clunking in the bowl she had with her. “I have an oatmeal for you. Ms. Grimshaw said something more could make you sick.”</p><p>“Thank you,” he said and reached his hands for the bowl. Mary-Beth never handed him it and his hands kept shaking in the air, waiting for it. </p><p>“Maybe it’ll be better if I help,” she suggested with sympathy. </p><p>Kieran bit into his lower lip. He couldn’t even feed himself, how was he supposed to be useful for the gang? </p><p>“Yeah,” he agreed anyway. </p><p>Mary-Beth stirred the oatmeal before raising the spoon to his mouth. “Open up.”</p><p>He obeyed, feeling like a child. Worse than a child. Even Jack could eat on his own and here he was, a grown man hand fed by the lady he liked so much. </p><p>It didn't matter anymore when he took the first bite and remembered how hungry he was. He almost swallowed the whole spoon in his attempts to eat the oatmeal as fast as possible. Mary-Beth chuckled at his enthusiasm and he blushed, embarrassed. </p><p>“Slowly, it’s not going anywhere,” she told him and gave him another bite. </p><p>He nodded and ate slower this time. They continued like that for a few minutes, not talking. Kieran couldn’t stand the awkward atmosphere, he could feel Mary-Beth’s pitiful eyes on him and it was making him sick. He didn’t want pity, not from her. </p><p>He still wanted more of the food when the bowl was empty but he didn’t ask. They probably wouldn’t give it to him anyway to not make him throw up. But Mary-Beth lifted a cup with water to his lips. He tried to hold it himself too but he quickly noticed it would’ve ended terribly, with half of the water on him.  Why were his hands shaking so much? </p><p>“Thank you,” he said again once he was done. Mary-Beth probably smiled at him but he couldn’t see. He felt a twinge of pain in his heart. </p><p>“You look better,” she noticed. “Not so pale like when the boys and Sadie brought you.”</p><p>“Yeah, I need to thank you for that. You made them look for me.”</p><p>Mary-Beth didn’t answer right away. “I didn’t.”</p><p>Kieran was confused. “But Arthur said…”</p><p>“I told him I was worried,” the fellow omega interrupted him. “He dismissed me at first but when you was gone for a while, he started to worry himself.”</p><p>Kieran let out an unamused huff. “Arthur wouldn’t worry for me.”</p><p>“He did,” she insisted. “We all did. Well, I’m sure Micah didn’t, but nobody cares about his opinion.” Mary-Beth shifted in her seat. “Nobody had to force anyone,” she repeated. “Or convince or bribe. Arthur, John and Sadie went to look for you because they wanted to.”</p><p>“To make sure I wasn’t selling you to Colm?”</p><p>“Why do you have to be such a stubborn man, Kieran?” she asked him. “Yes, some thought you returned to Colm, Arthur was among them but that didn’t make him look for you. Only when he realized something bad probably happened to you, he didn’t hesitate and rode off.” Kieran’s throat tightened. He couldn’t believe this, they cared. They really did. “He wanted to take John with him but Sadie offered her help as well. So if you want to thank somebody, you thank them. I did nothing.”</p><p>He hated the regret in her voice. “You couldn’t know,” he reminded her. </p><p>“I should’ve known.” Mary-Beth grabbed his hand unexpectedly and held it tight, staring right at him. Or so he thought. “We’re friends, I should’ve noticed you were gone sooner than after two days. But I thought you tried to stay away from John and Arthur since they blamed you for Jack’s kidnapping. I’m sorry.”</p><p>She wasn't crying, but he could hear she was close to doing so. “It’s not your fault,” he assured her, squeezing back her hand. “I was stupid getting away from the camp but I didn’t want to interrupt you all in celebrating Jack’s return. I got so drunk I couldn’t even get back home and stumbled into O’Driscolls. It was my own fault.”</p><p>“No,” she protested. “It’s our fault for treating you unwelcome.”</p><p>“Mary-Beth...”</p><p>“No,” she silenced him. “We were horrible to you even after you proved to us that you are on our side. You wasn’t tied to a tree anymore but you wasn’t treated like one of us either. That got you captured, because instead of being with us, safe, you felt the need to get away. And for that, in everyone’s name, I’m sorry.”</p><p>“It’s alright. I wouldn’t trust an O’Driscoll either.”</p><p>“You’re not an O’Driscoll,” she said to him seriously. “You’re a van der Linde.”</p><p>Kieran let out a choked, happy laugh. He would give a lot to hear it from Dutch but hearing it from Mary-Beth was good too. “Thanks Mary-Beth.”</p><p>He didn’t expect her hugging him, but he was quick to return it, even though his arms and back protested. It didn’t matter. It was good to feel another person like that. The last one who hugged him was his mom. </p><p>This was even better. </p><p> </p><p>Next day, after Reverend checked all of his wounds and Mary-Beth brought him breakfast, Kieran was bored out of his mind. Without eyes he couldn’t even entertain himself by observing things. He had a window in the room but he could only listen to people going about their day like Javier playing, Uncle singing to that or Cain barking while chasing after a running and laughing Jack. </p><p>There was nothing he could do but to sit all day and adjust to this new reality. He hated it, he was constantly catching himself on trying to get the bandages away, as if that would make him see again. He hated that when he was standing up to relieve himself, he had to find the bucket every time despite knowing where it was. And when he was coming back to the bed, he was hitting himself on his toe on its frame. </p><p>Maybe it was going to be better once he would be out of bed. Just like Reverend said, heal and rest first. If he wasn't going to die from boredom in the meantime. He really had a hard time finding something to do. He couldn’t read even before he lost his sight, he couldn’t play any instruments, no one except Mary-Beth and Swanson was visiting him(they probably didn’t care as much as Mary-Beth was saying) so he had no one to talk to, and he was tired of sleeping all the time. Even if it was good for him, he felt so much better already but Strauss’ medicine had a lot to do with that as well. </p><p>So Kieran sat in his tiny room, facing ahead and counting seconds in his head. Until steps on the stairs outside interrupted him. He waited for them to pass like always but instead, they reached his door and soon they opened. </p><p>“Knock, knock,” John’s announced in a gruff voice. “Someone wanted to see you.”</p><p>Someone? </p><p>“Hi, O’Driscoll!” Jack’s greeted him excitedly, soon followed by a hiss from his father.</p><p>“Jack,” he scolded the boy. </p><p>Kieran laughed, not caring about the name Jack used, he was too happy to hear the boy. </p><p>“It’s okay,” he assured, and listened with delight how Jack walked closer while John stayed by the door. Kieran honestly didn’t expect anyone bringing Jack to him, especially Omega Morgan. “His fathers used it around him so much I’m not surprised he thought it’s my real name.”</p><p>“O’Driscoll is your secret name?” Jack gasped. “Daddy and Pa have them too sometimes! It’s Tatitus.”</p><p>“Tacitus,” John corrected. Kieran could imagine him smiling fondly at the boy. He smiled too. “And it’s for all the gang.”</p><p>“I have a secret name too!”</p><p>“You do?” Kieran asked, surprised. He couldn’t imagine Jack needing another name to hide his true identity. Children were back at keeping those sorts of secrets. </p><p>“Yhym! It’s John Marston Junior! After Pa!” Jack ran back to his father, probably to hug him judging by the fond purr John released, but the boy was quickly back next to bed in a matter of seconds.</p><p>“Really?” Kieran wasn’t expecting this. He thought Jack was the full name. “But no one calls you that.”</p><p>He never heard it at least.</p><p>John snorted. “It would be confusing for me,” he explained. Kieran heard the thump when the older omega heavily leaned against the wall next to the door. “Besides, I like the name Jack and he doesn’t like Junior, which we tried to call him a couple of times. He always reacted with crying.”</p><p>“It’s a dumb name,” Jack complained. Kieran wished he could see him pouting right now because he was sure that’s what was happening. </p><p>“So he’s Jack from the very beginning, even before I birth him. I never used his full name but if anyone asks, he’s John Marston Junior.”</p><p>“Not Morgan?”</p><p>It took a few more seconds than probably necessary before John answered. “By the law he's Marston."</p><p>Society valued marriage over bonding, seeing the latter as a more civilized form of creating a relationship than mating like animals. And you could force someone to marry, but you couldn't force people to bond.</p><p>"Since when outlaws follow the law?" </p><p>Without eyes it was hard to tell if someone was angry or not. Thankfully the huff John released was one of an amusement . </p><p>"For me, we all three are Morgan." </p><p>There was longing in his voice when he said that. He wanted to marry Arthur, that’s for sure. Kieran wondered why they never did. Even if Arthur never asked, John was an omega bold enough to do it himself. </p><p>He was pulled from his thoughts and potentially from an awkward situation by Jack's cheerful voice. "What's your name?"</p><p>"Kieran Duffy." He doubted anyone but Arthur knew that name. </p><p>"Oh," the boy mused in awe, like he just discovered some big secret. But it didn't last long. "I made something for you." </p><p>Kieran opened his mouth in shock. "For me?" he asked shyly as a small smile formed on his lips. </p><p>"Everyone says you're hurt, so I made something to cheer you up. It always helps Daddy and Pa." </p><p>"Oh, that's nice." Kieran faced John nervously. "But that should probably stay a tradition between you and your fathers." </p><p>"It's fine, he does that to everyone but Micah." </p><p>"Oh. Alright. I'm ready then." </p><p>"I had it in my bag Mr. Pearson made for me. It's just like Daddy's." Kieran listened to Jack ruming through his bag which apparently contained some stones judging by the sound. "It's a picture I drew for you." </p><p>An awkward silence settled inside the room, so heavy that it seemed to be crushing them.</p><p>John cleared his throat. "I ah… I didn't know he was drawing something for you," he explained, shifting from one foot to another. "He only said he was making something." </p><p>"Did I do something wrong?" Jack asked in a tiny voice. </p><p>"No," Kieran assured quickly. "That's very nice of you to draw something for me but I… I can't see it." </p><p>"Why not?" </p><p>Did his fathers didn't tell him? Or was he too small to understand? Kieran didn't want to explain something John or Arthur didn't want to expose to their son. </p><p>"I ah… I lost my eyes, buddy." Damn it, it still hurt to admit that. </p><p>"Where did you lose them? I could help you find them," Jack offered with an innocence only a child could show. </p><p>"They're not really lost, boy," John added in. "It's just how you say it. They were badly hurt and now Kieran can't see." </p><p>Kieran let John explain those things. He loved children but he had no experience with them, unlike the older omega. </p><p>"But Ms. Grimshaw said she fixed them. And she's good at fixing. She fixed my pants and now they don't have holes." </p><p>If only the holes in his skull could be fixed so easily. </p><p>"Human body is harder to fix, buddy. Remember what I told you about the scars on my face?" </p><p>"That they won't go away." </p><p>"That's right, neither does Kieran's eyes can be fixed." </p><p>Kieran had no idea if it was the right way to do this but he was impressed how easily John explained everything to the child that didn't understand those things yet. </p><p>"So Kieran won't see my picture?" Jack asked, bummed out. Kieran felt bad for making him sad, even if it wasn't his fault. </p><p>"I'm afraid not, son."</p><p>Kieran didn't know if Jack was looking at him but he still smiled at the boy. He fully expected him to just leave the room since Kieran was no fun, but to his surprise, Jack climbed into his bed and Kieran had no choice but to move to give him space as the boy settled against his side. </p><p>Kieran looked up at John with a panicked expression, but the other omega didn't react. It was almost like he wasn't there anymore but Kieran could feel his eyes on himself. </p><p>"Um, Jack…" </p><p>"Then I'll describe the picture for you," the boy decided simply. "It's all the horses we have." Jack unexpectedly grabbed his hand so Kieran helped him raise it and place it on the paper, over the first drawing. "I even drew Branwen. It's the one with…" </p><p>Jack was taking describing the picture very seriously, he was trying not to miss any detail. Kieran looked down fondly at him before interrupting. </p><p>"Um, Jack, I know how Branwen look-"</p><p>Kieran felt a chill run down his spine when a quiet growl reached his ears. Gulping, Kieran chuckled nervously. "Never mind, keep going. Don't spare any details." </p><p>"Okay." </p><p>Sweet, oblivious child. </p><p>Jack continued and even though Kieran knew how all the horses looked, it was fun to listen how the boy called his Daddy’s horse a cow because of her coat or with what personalities he came up with for each animal. </p><p>He was so invested he almost didn’t hear the door being closed. Tuning down Jack, Kieran listened to the steps on the stairs. He couldn't believe he was just left alone with Jack, and by John at that.   </p><p>He was shocked a bit and Jack noticed, asking what's wrong. He quickly assured the child everything was fine and for him to keep talking. Jack happily did that till he talked himself to sleep eventually. </p><p>Kierna considered going to the window and calling the boy’s fathers but he didn’t want to disturb Jack who was snuggled against him so comfortably. Besides, it was his nap time anyway. So Kieran only smiled, hugged him closer and fell asleep as well. </p><p> </p><p>He was woken up when someone tried to take Jack from him. He pulled the still sleeping boy closer and growled in a warning. The attempt stopped and Kieran heard a huff before a quiet voice spoke. </p><p>“Can I have my kid back, Kieran?”</p><p>Kieran felt like such a fool. He woke up completely in a second and took his arm from around the boy. “I’m sorry, Arthur,” he babbled as the man gently took Jack from him. “I don’t know what came over me, I just thought...”</p><p>Arthur cut him out. “It’s fine,” he assured and hummed shortly, probably to shush Jack back to sleep. ”I can’t count how many times me or John growled at each other, still half asleep, while the other tried to take Jack,” he said in amusement but his voice became serious with the question he asked next. “How are you holding up?”</p><p>“Me?”</p><p>“I ain’t speaking to Jack,” the alpha chuckled.</p><p>Kierna blushed. “I’m… better.” Saying ‘good’ would be a lie. He would never be good again, but he could be better.      </p><p>“Everything’s healing nice?”</p><p>“Reverend says so.” He was feeling that too. He could rest his back more comfortably and wrist hurt less while moving them than at the beginning. Stitches itched so that meant the wounds were healing. But the worst were still his eyes. They hurt only slightly less than soon after losing them. </p><p>Arthur hummed in approval to his response. “Good,” he said and Kieran smiled awkwardly but couldn’t tell why. </p><p>“Colm treated you much worse.”</p><p>However Arthur was looking at him, he didn’t like it. “All I got from my meeting with Colm is a faint scar on my shoulder, boy,” Arthur reminded him. “I’m pretty sure I got out alright compared to you.”</p><p>Kieran dropped his gaze. Even without eye contact, he couldn’t stand the intensity of Arthur’s gaze on him. “You were unconscious for a few days,” he mentioned shyly.</p><p>“I don’t know if you remember, but you lost your goddamn eyes, kid.” </p><p>Kieran gritted his teeth. “You were caught on a mission. I wandered out of the camp drunk.” </p><p>“I let them surprise me like an amature,” Arthur corrected him, not giving up in whatever he was trying to accomplish. “Stop dismissing what happened to you to justify why we didn’t look for you, kid. We had no excuse.”  </p><p>“What do you want me to do, be angry at you?” Kieran asked, facing Arthur again.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Kieran turned his head away once more. He tried to be angry but it wasn't him. “I can’t blame you or be angry at you for not looking for me when no one looked for you.”</p><p>“And that wasn’t right either.”</p><p>Kieran raised his head, surprised. Last time he heard, Arthur wasn’t blaming anyone for the lack of rescue he received. What changed his mind so suddenly? </p><p>The alpha stood up, Jack sleepily mumbling something in his arms. Kieran jumped when a heavy hand landed on his shoulder. “I know John already apologized but I needed to do the same personally. I’m sorry, Kieran. That we didn’t look for you sooner. That we noticed so late. Maybe if we reacted right away, you would still have your eyes.”</p><p>Kieran was speechless. He never heard Arthur apologize before, not like that. And now he was apologizing to Kieran with a voice so full of guilt it almost made Kieran apologize himself. Or cry. Or both.</p><p>“It’s alright,” he replied with a tight throat. He wasn’t used to such a treatment he was experiencing since his rescue. “It’s not your fault. I try to stay out of the way, no wonder you didn’t notice. Besides, you’re often away from camp to notice me gone anyway.”</p><p>“Others aren’t, for christ sake, and they never noticed either,” he hissed as quietly as possible to not wake Jack. It was clearly eating the man. If someone told him a few weeks ago that Arthur Morgan would feel guilty of him getting hurt, Kieran would’ve never believed that. “And even when we did notice, we dismissed it.” A heavy silence hung above them as Arthur’s hand slipped from Kieran’s shoulder. “Dinner will be ready soon.”  </p><p>“Okay,” he replied, listening to Arthur walking to the door. “Arthur?” The alpha stopped and turned to face him. Kieran fumbled with his fingers, picking on loose thread of the quilt. “You did come for me in the end,” he remained the older man with a soft smile. “That’s more than you can say about anyone when you were taken. So thank you for that. You, John and Sadie saved my life. I’m not angry at any of you. So don’t be angry at yourself.”</p><p>He couldn’t be sure of course and he hated it, reading Arthur while blind was hard and he was already hard to read with sight, but something was telling Kieran the alpha was smiling. “Get well soon, Kieran,” he said and opened the door, already speaking softly to Jack to wake him up. </p><p>Kieran smiled and settled more comfortably against the pillows. </p><p> </p><p>From all of the people in the camp, Bill wasn't the last one Kieran expected to see the next morning after regular visit from Swanson, but it was still a surprise. </p><p>"Hey, Kieran," he said, somewhat nervously.</p><p>"Good morning, Bill," Kieran greeted back, happy with another visitor. Jack was great company yesterday, he hoped he wasn't going to end alone for a day again. </p><p>The big alpha moved inside the room, stepping closer to the bed. "I brought you dinner," Bill informed him. </p><p>"Oh. Mary-Beth is busy?" he asked, blindly reaching for the bowl. He could eat on his own already but Bill didn't seem to notice at first he needed to be more precise with his handing. He corrected it quickly though, gently placing the bowl in Kieran's hold. </p><p>"Susan gave her some job so I thought I would bring you food instead," the alpha explained himself, sounding nervous. </p><p>Kieran smiled at him as he picked up the spoon. "That's nice of you, Bill." </p><p>Bill only grunted in response and for a few moments, they didn't talk at all, Kieran silently eating and Bill sitting next to the bed, shifting every few seconds. "I also brought a deck of cards," the alpha said suddenly. Kieran lifted his head. "Thought we could play poker so you don't have to be bored." </p><p>Kieran cleared his throat awkwardly, feeling Bill staring at him, waiting. "Um, Bill, I can't play poker. I can't see." </p><p>"Oh." Kieran could practically smell the embarrassment oozing from the alpha and he knew Bill was closing and unclenching finger around his knees in a nervous manner. "Yes, of course. It was a joke." </p><p>Kieran smiled at him again. "That was very funny, Bill." He figured out there was no point in making fun of the man. Bill wanted good. </p><p>They returned to the silence, only clanging of the spoon in the bowl breaking it. Kieran knew Bill was watching him curiously but he didn't tell the alpha to stop, even if it was making him a bit uncomfortable. Like he was some freak. </p><p>"Do they hurt?" the man asked eventually, not waiting for Kieran to get tired of the staring and telling him to ask what's on his mind. "Eyes, I mean." </p><p>"All the time." </p><p>Sometimes they just throbbed, other times it felt like someone was taking them out again, and again, and again. Bruises started to faint, cuts were healing, even those on his back, but his eyes refused to stop hurting. A mocking reminder that he didn't have them any more. </p><p>Bill hummed and Kieran wondered what he was thinking. The alpha provided the answer soon enough. "You know, I had a friend in the army once that lost his eyes." </p><p>"Was he tortured like me?" </p><p>"No. We were fighting against some dirty Indians." Kieran grimaced at the use of words but didn't comment. "He was loading the gunpowder into the barrel of his gun and it suddenly ignited and burned out his eyes." </p><p>"Must've hurt a lot," Kieran realized. </p><p>"I don't know, he screamed a lot but not as much and as loud as my other friend that once got his leg shot clean by a cannonball." </p><p>"Jesus," he breathed out, terrified. </p><p>"And you know what, they both survived. Even the one that lost his eyes. He was sent back home and he had no problems living blind." </p><p>Kieran couldn't help but smile at Bill's sweet, if somehow awkward offer of comfort. "Is he alive still?" </p><p>"No." Kieran's heart dropped in his chest. "He got killed by a train he walked under, three months after being sent home."</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>"But other than that he did great! That means you can live blind, you just need to stay away from railroad tracks." </p><p>Kieran barked out a laugh. Real or not, Bill's story cheered him up a bit and gave him hope that maybe the world, his life, hasn't ended yet. </p><p>"Thanks, Bill." He reached his hand to where he believed Bill's palm was and grabbed it. </p><p>Bill's hand trembled for a second or two before he curled his fingers around Kieran's palm. "Don't mention it." </p><p>Kieran smiled and let go of the alpha's hand, who was in a hurry to take it back. It felt so warm against Kieran's he doubted Bill was anything but flustered. </p><p>"You sure you don't want to play poker?" </p><p>“It's not that I don't want to, I can't," he explained again. </p><p>"Right, right." There was another awkward silence that Bill broke once again. "How about I'll be your eyes?"</p><p>"It'll be a bit unfair if I'll play against you, don't you think?" </p><p>"You're right." Bill hummed in consideration before suddenly bringing his chair closer to the bed. The scratching startled Kieran, who jumped in bed just before a heavy hand landed on his shoulder. "Okay, how about… we get another player? Then I can be your eyes and we can both play." </p><p>"I don't have any money tho." </p><p>"We can bet with mine. We split the win after." </p><p>Kieran stared at Bill in surprise. Just a few minutes ago he was ready for another boring day and now Bill was offering to play poker with him and someone else. He wanted to agree, he always wished he could play poker with other gang members but he never had a chance. He thought he lost it forever but apparently not. </p><p>"Okay," he agreed, excited. "Just don't screw me over." </p><p>"Of course not." Bill stood up in a hurry, almost knocking over the chair. "I'll be right back, don't go anywhere." </p><p>In a way, it was nice that Bill seemed to keep forgetting Kieran was blind. At least one person wasn't treating him with pity. </p><p>Few minutes later, Bill returned and was not alone. </p><p>"Howdy doo!" Uncle's cheerful voice reached his ears. "I heard there is a poker game going on."</p><p>"Not yet," Kieran replied, not being able to contain his grin. </p><p>"Oh, this will be easy, a blind man and a fool." Uncle rubbed his hands together. "I almost feel bad for what I'm going to do to you." </p><p>Kieran only grinned wider. There was no reason to tell Uncle he was winning with every O'Driscoll while he was still riding with them. He would know soon enough. </p><p> </p><p>Uncle and Bill sat with him all day, later joined by Javier as well. They all played till late at night when everyone retreated to their beds, Kieran falling asleep as well, exhausted after so many hours of company. He wasn't used to it and he wasn't in the best shape for staying awake this long yet either. </p><p>Maybe that's why not long after he fell asleep, he woke up with a scream, not entirely out from a terrible nightmare he dreamed. </p><p>He kept screaming, the touch of Colm's hands on his body still fresh, fingers of his man probing at his eyes again, laughing cruelly as they took them out. </p><p>His hands shot at them, tugging at the bandage, trying to protect the eyes while he begged the alphas to stop, that it hurt. </p><p>"Kieran!" </p><p>Someone grabbed his hands and he lashed out right away, trying to hit whoever was trying to keep him still, to try torture him. </p><p>"Ow! Goddammit, Kieran stop, it's me, John!" </p><p>Kieran shook his head and fought harder against his assailants. But he was still weak, he was quickly overpowered and held close to someone's chest. He sobbed, both in pain and fear, grabbing at the arms holding him, desperate to pry them off. They didn't and he heard a hush above his head and then his body was being rocked gently. </p><p>"You're alright, boy," the voice from earlier said. </p><p>The panic started to vanish, dissolving like a fog in the rain. For a moment Kieran was still confused, because he couldn't see. He needed a moment to remember that he had no eyes. </p><p>Slowly his breath started to calm and he went slack in the hold someone had on him. </p><p>Not someone. </p><p>"John?" he asked, sure that he heard wrong, that he was still dreaming when he heard the person saying their name. </p><p>"Yeah, it's me," the omega confirmed in a gentle voice, his arms holding Kieran close to his body. </p><p>Kieran grabbed him tightly, desperate for comfort, even if everything in him was screaming to get away. He hit the other man! He could remember that. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, panicked. "I didn't mean to hit you, I…" </p><p>"Hey, calm down," John cut him short. "You slapped me, Jack hits harder than you when he's throwing a tantrum, I'm fine. And so are you."</p><p>Kieran was still sorry and he knew he was going to feel very embarrassed later, especially in front of John. </p><p>"I probably woke you all up," he realized. Shady Belle was too quiet for it to be a day. "I'm sorry."</p><p>"You had a nightmare, it's alright."</p><p>"It was so real."</p><p>He trembled remembering it. </p><p>"Alright, scoot over," John told him, pushing him to the side gently, closer to the wall. "Half of my ass is hanging from the bed." </p><p>Kieran laughed weakly and compiled. The bed was small and he feared they wouldn't fit together since John was taking a lot of space with his form, but the problem was resolved when, once finding the comfortable position, John brought him closer again, against his chest that resonated with loud purr. </p><p>"Try going back to sleep, Kieran," he said with a sigh, clearly trying to do the same. </p><p>Kieran wished he could, but that new situation was proving to be hard to ignore. Why was John doing all this? Kieran would sooner expect him to just come here, slap him in the face to wake him up and then leave, telling Kieran to be quiet because he'd woken up Jack. </p><p>Instead he was still here, even though it must've been awkward for him. But Kieran was too egotistical to remind the other omega that he didn't need to do this. </p><p>But apparently, he couldn't keep his mouth shut either. </p><p>"You must think I'm pathetic right now," he said, trying to say it with some humor in it. He really felt pathetic right now. John was strong and composed compared to him, Kieran couldn't imagine him in a similar situation, waking up screaming and sobbing and then needing to be held like a baby. </p><p>John stopped purring to answer him. "Not at all." </p><p>"It was just a bad dream and I reacted like it was real." </p><p>John adjusted his grip on him, bringing Kieran's face closer to his neck, where the smell was the strongest. John smelled nice, like a nursing omega. </p><p>"Kieran, you went through something that would break many strong people.”</p><p>“Not you,” he interrupted. </p><p>John sighed. “It’s been a while since Colter and I still wake up from nightmares sometimes, dreaming wolves ate me alive. Or that I froze to death.” John confessed to him, surprising John by opening up so easily, and about his weakness as well. “I dream of finding Jack shot and bleeding because Micah once told him to play with guns. I dream of Arthur riding back into camp dead on his horse after being kidnapped by Colm. I dream about dying during the birth of Jack. And I still dream of hanging on a noose and slowly suffocating, something that happened fourteen years ago.” Kieran never realized John went through so many things, that it was affecting him so much. He suddenly saw the man in a completely different light than before. “And many, many more. We all went through some rough stuff but that doesn’t make us pathetic,” the older omega continued. ”So no, I don’t see you as such. Far from it.” </p><p>Kieran dropped his head, resting it against John's collarbone, listening to his pur that he resumed. It meant a lot to hear those words, and from someone like John Marston as well, the last person he expected to be compassionate. Maybe he shouldn't, he was a father after all. </p><p>"Thanks, John," he said, snuggling closer into the other omega. His smell was calming, so was the purr, identical as the one an omega would use to calm their distressed child. Kieran was probably going to feel silly about it later but right now he just enjoyed the moment, not caring why John went this far to offer him comfort when he should be back in his own bed, with his mate and child. "It must be awkward for you now."</p><p>John sighed again. "I'll live," he assured, his palm rubbing up and down Kieran's shoulder. "But you won't if you tell anybody about it."</p><p>Kieran chuckled but he couldn't help a shiver that ran through his body at the threat. "My lips are sealed." </p><p>John relaxed shortly after and probably fell asleep. Kieran was tired but stayed awake, too shook to return to sleep so soon. </p><p>He decided not to tell John that someone saw them together like that when he heard someone stopping in the doorway and leaning against a frame. He recognized Arthur's quiet huff, the alpha probably checking on his omega. </p><p>Kieran smiled, falling asleep shortly after. </p><p> </p><p>Kieran had no idea what was going on when he heard a bunch of people climbing the stairs one early evening. He recognized few voices but otherwise it was too much of a mess to really pinpoint who was who. Until all of those people busted into his room. </p><p>"Hope you ain't getting ready to bed yet, Kieran," Karen said loudly upon entering. She was followed by the rest of the girls and… was that Mr. Pearson talking to someone? </p><p>"What is going on?" he asked nervously, overwhelmed by so many people in the room, he didn't know where to turn his face. </p><p>"It's omegas night, boy," Karen explained and the sound of the bottle being shaken reached Kieran's ears. "We're going to have fun all night. No alphas allowed."</p><p>Kieran laughed, not entirely sure what to think of all of it. "Omegas night?" he repeated. That explained why he heard only omegas. </p><p>"Karen's idea," Tilly explained to him, moving around the room to find a seat for everyone. Mary-Beth already joined him on the bed, making Kieran blush something fierce. "She thought you're lonely and need some fun, loosing up." </p><p>"It's not so bad, people visited me, Bill was here with Uncle and Javier yesterday, and I chatted with Swanson and Lenny today, " he told them, touched that they wanted to spend time with him. He just couldn't shake a feeling they were all doing it out of guilt or pity, not because they wanted to. They never cared about him before now everyone was nice and caring. But Kieran wasn't going to look the gifted horse in the mouth. </p><p>"There is no fun like our fun," Karen assured with a chuckle and took a seat at the foot of the bed. "I gathered everyone and now you're going to have the best night of your life." </p><p>Kieran grinned, he already couldn't wait. </p><p>"No Mr. Marston?" he asked, realizing there was one omega missing. Well, two, but he knew the girls didn't like Molly very much so no wonder she wasn't invited. </p><p>Abigail snorted. "John always had a more alpha mindset, he would have no fun at all with us, unless we would get him pretty drunk. Which he rarely does, being responsible daddy and all. Besides, he's busy tonight. Dutch took him, Arthur, Lenny and Bill to go to Bronte." </p><p>Kieran nodded and took the offered beer. "Well, it's still going to be fun." </p><p>"You bet your ass it will. To your health." </p><p>It was a bit awkward at first. He wasn't very close with any of the girls or Mr. Pearson, only with Mary-Beth, so he felt out of place when they all talked, even when they tried to include him. </p><p>But it got better after one beer. He became relaxed and joined every conversation with confidence. He thought everyone was here out of pity but they seemed to enjoy his company and it made him feel like he belonged somewhere. </p><p>"Alright, now that everyone is drunk and less shy, let's talk about really important stuff," Karen suggested after everyone had a good laugh during one of Pearson's many sea stories. Kieran waited what it would be about, and so did the others. "Who, from the gang, would you all like to fuck?"</p><p>Kieran blushed furiously, not drunk enough for this kind of talk apparently. Other girls straight up laughed, either in delight or nervousness, though he suspected everyone was used to Karen boldness already. </p><p>"I don't know," Tilly started first, humming. "Javier is cute but a little too short." </p><p>"I bet it doesn't stop him in bed," Pearson teased, making everyone laugh. </p><p>"I'll still pick up Lenny," Tilly decided. "Trelawny would be fun for one night."</p><p>"If he wouldn't bore you to death talking first," Abigail noticed. "Bill is kinda cute. When he doesn't smell." </p><p>"They all smell," Mary-Beth chuckled. "Well, male alphas at least." </p><p>"That's why I would choose Sadie in the end," Abigail stated. "Anyone else want Bill?" </p><p>"Maybe Uncle too?" Karen joked.</p><p>"Bill isn't so bad," Kieran blurted out, defending the alpha that was always one of the nicest people towards him. Except that one time when he threatened to cut his fingers.</p><p>"Are you sure you lost your eyes and not a sense of smell?" Mary-Beth asked, nudging him with her elbow. </p><p>Kieran blushed. "He's nice."</p><p>"Yeah, he is," Tilly agreed. "Certainly better than Uncle. Like the girls say, he just smells so badly," she giggled. </p><p>"And it isn't about how nice they are, but about jumping them in bed," Karen reminded them. "So leave romanticism for other times."</p><p>"So I assume you wouldn't mind sleeping with Micah?" Pearson pointed out. </p><p>Kieran suspected Karen made a face because everyone bursted out laughing and Kieran couldn't help but join just because it felt good to laugh like that with others. </p><p>"For God's sake!" a stern and disapproving voice of Ms. Grimshaw stopped their fun when she opened the door to the room. "Keep your voice down, the boy is trying to sleep," she hissed. </p><p>"Sorry Ms. Grimshaw," Tilly apologized. "Didn't mean to wake up little Jack."</p><p>"It's better be the last time," Susan warned them and left. </p><p>"You never answered," Pearson noticed when they couldn't hear the alpha anymore. </p><p>"Okay, fair enough," Karen agreed. "It's not only about the looks." </p><p>They laughed again, only quieter this time. </p><p>"Bill may stink and Uncle can be a lazy bum but at least they're not Micah," Abigail summarized. </p><p>"Let's drink to that," Pearson suggested. </p><p>"What about Grimshaw?" Tilly asked after a couple of sips. "Anyone in for that?" </p><p>"Ugh, Grimshaw is even worse than Micah, and I'm saying it seriously," Karen said. "Don't even suggest something like that, now it's stuck in my mind."</p><p>"Sorry, Karen," Tilly giggled. She wasn’t sorry. </p><p>"I would pick up Bill too," Pearson said. "I don't think any of the slimmer boys would handle me," he joked. </p><p>"And what about you, Mary-Beth?" Abigail asked.</p><p>"I don't know," she admitted shyly, Kieran felt her shifting under everyone's gaze. "We have some fine alphas in the gang but I'm not really interested in any. Wouldn't mind one wooing me tho, but only for fun. It would be nice to be romanced," she sighed dreamily. </p><p>Kieran smiled but suddenly he felt a jolt going through his entire arm to his chest when Mary-Beth touched his hand, linking their pinkies just for a moment. </p><p>Kieran had no idea how to respond, only to be dumbfounded and have his heart hammer in his chest as it beat with joy. Was it real? It felt like that but it was suddenly gone again and Kieran could swear nothing happened at all. Mary-Beth's hand wasn’t touching his anymore but the touch lingered on his skin. He could still feel her heat and it was so tempting to initiate the contact again. Her palm was right there, ale he needed to do was move a little, no one would even notice. </p><p>But he chickened out in the end and kept his hand where it was, even moved it into his lap. There was no way someone like Mary-Beth wanted someone like him. </p><p>"I'm surprised no one mentioned Arthur and Dutch yet," Karen noticed and took a sip after that. </p><p>"They're taken," Tilly reminded her. </p><p>"So? It's just fantasies, nobody is trying to make them cheat. I wouldn’t even try, Molly would probably scratch my eyes out and I don't even wanna think what John would do, possessive bastard." </p><p>"So I assume that's your pick?" Mary-Beth asked her. </p><p>"Well if I had to. I certainly wouldn't go for Hosea. Too old." </p><p>"He's not so bad," Mary-Beth giggled. "He was quite handsome when he was younger, I saw a picture he has of him and Bessie. Arthur and John had one of Hosea being younger as well. I bet he was a charmer too." </p><p>"You and your silly romances." </p><p>"They're not silly," she protested, offended. </p><p>"Hosea is too much of a father figure to me to even consider him as one night fun," Abigail confessed. "But I have to admit, he has something in him." </p><p>"Still would go for Arthur or Dutch first," Karen insisted, stopping to take another gulp of her beer. "Ain't none of them a redhead tho." </p><p>None spoke as Karen drank again. It seemed like yesterday when Sean died, leaving Karen heartbroken. She seemed fine but Kieran saw her a couple of times after they just stopped at Shady Belle, drunk and miserable, hidden from others while she was getting drunk so no one could scold her or pity her. Or both. Kieran was doing neither, he was just leaving her alone any time he was finding her. </p><p>"Speaking of redheads," Tilly changed the subject. Kinda. "Has anyone seen Molly? I think I haven't seen her in days and I doubt she just doesn't leave Dutch's room." </p><p>"Who cares where this red witch is?" Karen snickered. "She's a bitch." </p><p>"She ain't so bad," Kieran noticed. </p><p>"No one is bad for you, Kieran," Karen pointed out. </p><p>"I just like to see good in people." The other omega snorted and Kieran wished he could glare at her. "And Molly was nice to me almost since the beginning. She can be dramatic but I wouldn't call her a bitch."</p><p>"She was actually part of our group once," Mary-Beth said. It was possible to hear her soft smile. "But then Dutch and her ended together and she fell in love and suddenly didn't have time for us anymore." </p><p>"I kinda miss her sometimes," Tilly admitted. </p><p>"Okay, so she isn't a bitch," Karen agreed. "Not too much of one anyway. But I still don't care where she went." </p><p>"She said she's going to Saint Denis," Pearson informed them. "At least that's what she told me when I saw her getting the horse ready. She could be anywhere, really."</p><p>"Alright, enough of those gloomy thoughts. And no more talking about alphas, it's omegas night, right?" Abigail decided, sensing the change in the atmosphere again. "Let's drink and better think what we'll do with all his money Dutch and the boys are going to get us soon." </p><p>That was a subject that didn't have a potential to trigger some awkward conversation. They started talking about their silly dreams that could become a reality if some big heist was going to work out soon. </p><p>Pearson wanted to be back on a boat, even mentioned building his own. Kieran doubted the money from the robbery would be enough. Abigail shyly mentioned having a ranch one day with some nice alpha, maybe a kid or two. </p><p>Tilly didn't have any particular plans yet, neither did Karen. Kieran never shared his dreams with anyone but this time he did, talking about owning a stable and taking care of horses. </p><p>"But that's impossible now," he noticed with a nervous chuckle and pointed at his eyes. </p><p>"You'll be good," Pearson assured him. "Horses are smart, I'm sure they'll have no problem adjusting." </p><p>"Would I?" he asked. He still had doubts. </p><p>"I'll help," Mary-Beth offered and touched his finger again, just briefly. </p><p>Kieran turned to face her and smiled. </p><p>He believed her. </p><p> </p><p>Kieran was just napping when a soft knock to the door woke him up and startled him. His heart was beating like crazy when he invited the person over. Would he never get used to this?</p><p>“Hey, Kieran,” Charles’s gentle voice reached his ears. “How are you?”</p><p>“Good.” He didn’t even have to lie, he truly felt good, finally feeling like Swanson was telling him he looked. His eyes finally stopped to hurt every day. </p><p>“Glad to hear.” Charles stepped further inside, taking a seat by Kieran’s bed. It was the first time he visited, Kieran wasn’t that much surprised, Charles was one of the hardest working members of the gang, he probably was too busy to check on him. Besides, just because he was decent to Kieran didn’t mean they were friends and Charles was obligated to visit. “You went through a lot so it’s good to see you almost back on foot.”</p><p>“Yeah, Reverend said I should be good to leave the bed soon, even today if I want.” Kieran findled with the edge of the blanket that laid next to him. “Don’t know how to do it tho. I can’t see shit,” he chuckled. It was getting easier and easier to joke about his blindness. He still felt angry and helpless most of the time but feeling sorry for himself wasn’t making him feel any better. So he might as well start embracing the fact that he wouldn’t see anything for the rest of his life. </p><p>“That’s why I came today,” Charles informed him. </p><p>“Oh?” Kieran cocked his head to the side, curious.</p><p>“Well, that and to check on you,” the alpha added nervously. “See how you are doing.”</p><p>“I can’t complain, I’m fed, get medicines, people keep me company.”</p><p>“Good, you deserved all of it, and not only because you got hurt.” Kieran smiled sadly at Charles, being able to sense that the man felt guilty of how Kieran was treated before as well. “Anyway, I made you this.”</p><p>Kieran suspected Charles extended his hand so he did so as well. A moment later, something long but thin and quite smooth was placed in his open palm. He curled his fingers around it and realized it’s a piece of wood. </p><p>“A cane?” he asked, confused. </p><p>Charles didn’t answer right away. “Shit, I nodded, sorry,” he apologized soon enough. </p><p>Kieran smiled at him warmly. “Don’t worry, I forget I’m blind all the time,” he assured, smiling even wider when he heard Charles letting out a small laugh. “Why do you give me a cane?”</p><p>He’d seen Trelawny using one but Kieran wasn’t even half as fancy as this man. </p><p>“I’ve seen blind people using them before,” Charles explained. “To feel what’s in front of them. It helps them move. So I thought you should have more than some simple stick and I spent the last few days whittling you a cane.” </p><p>Kieran opened his mouth but no sound came out. This was… so thoughtful of Charles. And sweet. He specifically thought of something to make Kieran’s life easier now and put a few days' effort into it. </p><p>He grabbed the cane tighter and brought it closer, almost hugging it to his chest. He moved his palm up and down of it, feeling how really smooth it was. It probably took ages to make it that way without professional tools but Charles still did it. </p><p>For him. </p><p>“Um, it’ll probably sound silly but… Can I hug you?” he asked, sniffing. </p><p>Chalres didn’t answer, he simply stood up and came closer, wrapping his arms around Kieran. The alpha felt warm and firm, Kieran was enveloped in a smell of an open field and wild flowers. “You’ll get back on your feet sooner than you think, Kieran,” Charles told him and released him from a hug. “I hope the cane will help you.”</p><p>“I hope so too.”</p><p>He couldn’t wait to get out of this room and join the others outside the house, interact with them in more natural scenery. </p><p>He couldn’t wait to get back to work with horses and simply cleaning the camp. </p><p>He couldn’t wait to be back to being alive.    </p><p> </p><p>Turned out, he got that opportunity the same day, in the evening. He’s been practicing using a cane around the room, trying to figure out the best way to feel the objects in front of him. Bill joined him for a little while, either acting as an obstacle or moving things around the room for Kieran to avoid.</p><p>Kieran stumbled on everything and hit Bill’s shin more time than he could count while trying to deduce where the alpha was standing. It was hard despite feeling it with his cane. He still had a lot of work to do before he could walk with the same confidence as before, if that was even possible, but he already felt better, being able to walk without kicking everything or bumping into a wall. It was giving him some independence he desperately needed after being dependent on everyone for the last few days. </p><p>“Hey, Kieran,” Mary-Beth greeted him when he just sat on the bed after finishing his practice. “I see you like Charles’ gift.”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s really great,” he admitted, holding the cane with care. “It was really nice of him.”</p><p>“When he told me what he’s making, I thought the same thing,” she said and sat next to him on the bed, keeping a small distance between them but close enough for their shoulder to bump whenever one of them would shift. </p><p>“So you knew about this?”</p><p>“He didn’t have to keep it a secret with you stuck in a room,” she noticed with a giggle. “Everyone knew.”</p><p>“I’m tired of this room,” he sighed. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s better than sleeping outside on an old bedroll but it’s so boring here.”</p><p>“I understand.” Mary-Beth placed a hand on his shoulder and he felt how the skin heat up immediately in that spot. “But you’ll get out of here soon enough.”</p><p>“I hope so. Is it dinner time already? I can never tell.”</p><p>“Yes and no,” she answered vaguely. He faced her, confused. “I wanted to talk to you first.”</p><p>“Okay.” Kieran’s heartbeat picked up speed significantly as he waited for Mary-Beth to speak. </p><p>She became nervous and he could not only feel but smell it in the air. He wanted to comfort her somehow but he had a feeling that it would only make it worse so he didn’t move a muscle and let her collect her thoughts. </p><p>“When you disappeared those few days ago,” she started carefully “I was really worried about you,” she admitted. Kieran felt her gaze on himself, he wondered if it was easy for her to look at him when he couldn’t see her back anymore. “I barely slept, especially when your absence was growing and no one wanted to do anything. And I felt guilty because I didn’t notice anything was wrong at first too.”</p><p>“It’s not your fau...”</p><p>“Let me speak,” she asked and took a deep breath. “I still feel guilty about it. Maybe if I had noticed earlier or insisted more for someone to look for you, you would still have your eyes.” Kieran wanted to tell her she couldn’t know, but he respected her wishes and stayed quiet. “But I realized that it could’ve been worse. I was worried we’re going to find you dead. But you wasn’t and I was so happy the boys and Sadie saved you. But you wasn’t safe completely yet and I started wondering, what if you died.”</p><p>“What do you mean, what if?” he asked, not understanding in which direction it was going. </p><p>Mary-Beth needed another deep breath to continue. He never saw her so nervous. “What if you died and I never told you how much I really care?” she asked and Kieran’s heart stopped for just a second before starting beating again, bruising his chest from the inside. It got even worse when she grabbed his hand firmly, entwining their fingers together. Kieran gulped, nervous, hopeful. He felt Mary-Beth getting closer. “What if you died and I never felt how it is to kiss you?”</p><p>Kieran gasped in surprise. It’s all he ever wanted, and he felt like passing out when Mary-Beth said those words. Yet he couldn’t help his first reaction be to run. Run, deny. Because this couldn’t be happening. This much happiness never graced him before. In fact, he was extremely unlucky. His eyes were the best proof of that. And suddenly not only people he considered friends started reciprocating those feelings, now Mary-Beth was confessing her… love? </p><p>God, he would give anything for it to be love. The same one he felt for her as early as when he was tied to a post in the stable in Colter. She sneaked in and gave him food and water there for the first time. How could he not fall in love when one day she brought a blanket with her and covered his shivering form with it, wishing him good night? </p><p>It almost was, despite being a prisoner. And she made it as such with her kindness and bright soul that shone brighter than the sun in a high noon. </p><p>That’s why it was so hard to believe she could love him back. She was perfect. Sweet, caring, intelligent, funny and so beautiful it pained him that he would never see her smile again. Who he was in comparison? He was illiterate, a coward, weak, not even half as pretty. </p><p>He was…</p><p>“I’m an omega,” he reminded her, his voice shaking. In fear? Anticipation? He couldn’t tell anymore, all his senses were registering was her and her sweet smell.</p><p>“I don’t care,” she said and he felt her breath right on his lips. “Do you?”</p><p>They could get hanged for this. Or just thrown to jail. Get beaten by someone from the gang. They wouldn’t have children of their own if they wanted. </p><p>He still shook his head ‘no’ and it was all she needed before she kissed him firmly, placing a hand on his cheek for support. She brushed the bandage over his eyes, gently, not wanting to hurt him. He only shivered, grabbing her wrist in her grasp but not pulling it away. Their other palms were still joined together and they squeezed them as the kiss continued.</p><p>It never went pass pressing and moving their lips together but it made Kieran dizzy nonetheless. He was overwhelmed by Mary-Beth’s touch, her smell, her taste. Shyly, he released her wrist and put and threaded his fingers through her hair. She answered by slipping her hand to the nape of his neck and pressing their lips so tight together it was impossible to move them anymore.</p><p>There was so much need in that one kiss Kieran couldn’t believe it was for him. Mary-Beth wanted him. Stupid, dirty, dumb. Somehow she wanted him and it made him so happy he could cry. </p><p>He did exactly that, breaking the kiss to let out a happy sob. Mary-Beth chuckled and kissed his forehead fondly. “Wipe off the tears, mister,” she told him standing up, pulling him with her. “You don’t want to show yourself to others like that, do you?”</p><p>“Others?” he repeated. </p><p>Mary-Beth tugged him towards the door. Kieran clutched to his cane and followed her with trust. </p><p>“You’ll see,” she promised, hooking their elbows together to lead him easier. “Oops, sorry.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” he replied with a grin. </p><p>She led him down the stairs, one step at the time. He was scared every time he needed to get lower, she wouldn’t be able to hold him if he stumbled but thankfully he didn’t.</p><p>“Look at you, back on your feet again,” Sadie greeted him downstairs. “And with a fancy new cane. You turning into a city boy, Kieran?”</p><p>Kieran laughed. It was probably the first time she called him by his name. “Who knows,” he responded. ”I just need to clean up a bit.”</p><p>“More like a lot.” </p><p>Sadie joined them on the way out, she probably had something to do there. Cain barked happily seeing them and ran around them while they walked before taking off. Kieran had no idea where they were going, they definitely left the house through the main door and turned left but everything else was a mystery. But he could hear people talking and laughing by the fire. It seemed like everyone gathered around it, there was so much noise, and he could already hear Javier playing some slow tunes on his guitar, just like during Jack’s welcome party. It almost felt like a gate to the past and he wondered if he just got a second chance. </p><p>He knew it was impossible but it was nice to dream.</p><p>“The guest of honor finally arrived!” Lenny shouted suddenly. They were closer to the fire now than he realized. “Nice of you to finally show up.”</p><p>Kieran didn’t say anything back, he didn’t think it was aimed at him. But when no one else spoke, he looked around. “Um, me?” he asked, confused. </p><p>“Who else?” Uncle asked, laughing. “Come on, sit down, we were waiting for you.”</p><p>Mary-Beth chuckled next to him and dragged him to one of the logs around the fire. She sat him down and took a place next to him, never breaking their hands apart. “Hi, Kieran!” Jack greeted him enthusiastically. The boy was right on his left.</p><p>“Um, hi,” he answered, still a bit puzzled by all of this. “Is someone having a birthday?” he asked finally. </p><p>“In a way.” Dutch chuckled. Kieran sat straighter right away. “Considered it your second birth, boy. Surviving Colm certainly feels like it.”</p><p>“Wh-what do you mean?” Kieran felt everyone looking at him and because the whole gang was here, it was making him nervous. </p><p>“It’s a welcome back party,” Hosea explained. “A bit late but we didn’t want to interrupt your recovery, Reverend recommended it.”</p><p>“So we waited a bit and made you one now,” Lenny added in, standing now in front of Kieran and putting a bottle of beer in his hand. </p><p>Kieran took it but only that, he didn’t put it to his lips while everyone else treated themselves with alcohol as well, Uncle already arguing about starting with whiskey instead some cheap beer and Karen backing him up on this, while Tilly and Abigail kept telling them it’s a bad idea. Next to him, Jack got some freshly squeezed apple juice from his Daddy who also handed a bottle of beer to his omega with some tender words. </p><p>Nobody thought more explanations were needed. </p><p>“I don’t understand,” he admitted, making everyone stop what they’ve been doing. </p><p>“It’s simple, my boy,” Dutch began explaining again. “We almost lost you so we decided a party to celebrate your safe return is a must. So here we are.” Kieran listened to it in silence, stunned. He didn’t expect this when he followed Mary-Beth, who kept holding his hand in support. “Uncle and Bill brought some whiskey from Saint Denis, Javier tuned his guitar and Pearson made enough food to feed the entire army.”</p><p>“You better enjoy it!” Pearson warned them, standing by his pots. “Or I’ll never cook for you ever again!”</p><p>“You promise?!” John shouted back at him.</p><p>“Oh very funny, Mr. Marston!” Pearson responded, trying to be louder than people laughing.</p><p>Kieran didn’t laugh, still trying to comprehend what was happening. “It’s a party... for me?”</p><p>“Jesus, yes, it’s for you,” Micah responded. “Are you deaf in addition to being blind? Ow!” he groaned in pain at the end.</p><p>“I’ll hit harder next time,” Charles promised the other alpha.  </p><p>“It’s for you, Kieran,” Hosea confirmed, somewhere near Dutch. “We always throw a party when we welcome back a member.” Kieran’s throat got tight all of sudden. Mary-Beth already called him part of the gang. Reverend too but to hear it from one of the founders? It meant much more, felt more real. “I’m sorry it took us so long to accept you as such.”</p><p>Kieran dropped his head to hide his wobbling lip. He didn’t want to cry in front of all these people.  </p><p>“It’s okay,” he assured.</p><p>“Of course it is,” Arthur snorted somewhere on his left, probably sitting next to his family. </p><p>Kieran smiled at him and although he couldn’t be sure, he knew Arthur noticed it. </p><p>“And not only we’re celebrating Kieran being back to health, we deserve some drinks for getting rid of Bronte too!” Dutch announced. People cheered but Kieran didn’t hear Morgans’ or Hosea among them. Something wasn’t right. “Now let’s party! We deserved it. To Kieran!”</p><p>“To Kieran!” people responded enthusiastically and Kieran felt like crying again. Even if he would, bandages would hopefully hide it. So he grinned and drank with everyone. </p><p>Javier soon started playing, joined by Sadie on harmonica and the gang was having all the fun in the world, drinking, singing, laughing and dancing like nothing else existed. </p><p>And this time Kieran was in the center of it, with Mary-Beth by his side and he couldn’t be more happier than that. </p><p> </p><p>He should have expected the happiness wouldn’t last for long. Couple of days later Dutch took almost every alpha gunslinger, as well as John, for a bank robbery. Abigail went with them too, to work with Hosea as a distraction. Sadie stayed to protect the camp in the absence, angry that she wasn’t included. </p><p>At first no one was worried but Kieran could feel the tension getting stronger with each passing hour since the gang’s departure. It was clear in the way people became quieter. Even Jack was affected by it, he probably sensed adults being worried and stayed in one place, playing quietly with his toys instead of running around like he was doing in the morning. </p><p>The day ended and no one was back yet, not even Abigail. Now even Kieran was worried and he told Mary-Beth that. She admitted she was worried too and they both said so to Susan. She told them to wait. </p><p>So they did. Someone finally returned late at night. Kieran heard the horse from the gazebo where he was sitting after the sun set down hours ago. Jack slept with his head on Kieran’s lap, no one put the boy to bed in his fathers’ room, everyone was too worried. </p><p>Sadie keeping guard stopped the person riding into the camp. Turned out it was Charles.  </p><p>Only Charles.</p><p>Jack was woken up by the commotion when everyone started asking Charles where Dutch and the others were, so Kieran didn’t feel guilty when he asked the boy to lead him to everyone so he could listen as well. He sent the boy away then, telling him to wait in his room. He was afraid what the kid could possibly hear.  </p><p>The bank robbery was a failure. Kinda. They got the money but they were expected by Pinkertons, they were waiting for the gang and cornered them in the bank. </p><p>“John was caught,” Charles told them, seated on the stairs leading to a house. Everyone stood around him and waited for him to stop drinking some water before continuing. “While we tried to escape the bank.” Kieran’s heart ached for the boy upstairs, oblivious to what happened to his omega father. “I heard the police talking about holding him at the police station in the city.”</p><p>“They’ll only hold him there temporarily with Sisika so close,” Trelawny noticed. He arrived today after Dutch and others left. He wanted to actually talk to the leader but missed him. He decided to wait but it seemed there was no chance for Dutch’s quick return now.</p><p>“So we need to bust him out while he’s still in Saint Denis,” Sadie decided.</p><p>“Too much police and Pinkertons,” Charles noticed. “The city was swarming with them, we barely escaped to the docks. I barely escaped now. We could try when they’ll be transporting him but that seems risky as well. And...” Charles paused and Kieran didn’t like that. “Hosea and Lenny are dead.”</p><p>Kieran wasn’t able to hold in the whimper that escaped his throat. But he wasn’t the only one distressed. Mary-Beth clutched to him and Tilly started crying right away, not ashamed of her tears. </p><p>“Bastard Milton shot him on our eyes,” Charles growled. “I didn’t see Lenny’s death but Arthur saw it. Kid had no chance.”</p><p>The silence that fell upon them, interrupted only by Tilly’s sobbing and Karen trying to sooth her, was suffocating. Kieran felt sick. Just a few days ago they were celebrating, everyone was there. Now two of theirs were dead, one was in jail and others… Kieran didn’t even know yet but he could tell it wasn’t anything good. </p><p>God it hurt. It hurt more than it should. He didn’t even know Hosea that much but he saw what kind of man, what kind of alpha he was around the camp. Stern, but not without reason. He was like a father to many and now he was gone. Kieran couldn’t imagine how Tilly was feeling right now. Or Abigail, wherever she was. What about Arthur, John and Dutch? What about Jack, Hosea was his favorite uncle that was teaching him how to read. The boy would be devastated. But not as much if his fathers wouldn’t return to him and that was a possibility. </p><p>Such an innocent child orphaned so young. </p><p>Kieran swallowed the bile that raised to his throat. </p><p>And Lenny? The boy was so young too, so smart, everyone was always praising him. And he offered Kieran to teach him to read to impress Mary-Beth while Kieran could still see. </p><p>They didn’t deserve this. </p><p>“What about the others?” Susan asked, probably the only one still not on the verge of panic. </p><p>“Dutch had some insane plan about a boat,” Charles explained tiredly. “We were going to sneak on it, swim to Tahiti or something, regroup, pay for another ship to Saint Denis and get you to join us there. But there were too many Pinkertons and police, I distracted them and the others went on a boat. They may still be alive, somewhere on the Atlantic...”</p><p>“Or at the bottom of it,” Pearson finished for him. “It’s a storm season. The ocean is dangerous now. Was it a big boat?”</p><p>“I don’t know.”</p><p>“Alright, there is no time to cry now,” Sadie decided, stepping in as a leader apparently. Kieran stood up straighter as on a command. There was something about the alpha that was putting everyone in place when she wanted to. “The plan didn’t work, we need to leave. We can’t stay here in case Pinkertons start looking for the rest of us. They know the boys that robbed the bank aren’t the only ones.”</p><p>“What do you suggest?” Charles asked.</p><p>“We leave this place and stick somewhere close to the city in case the boys will be back. We also need to bust John out, get Abigail back and hopefully bodies of Lenny and Hosea. They need to be buried. But right now, we need to pack and go. We’ll just leave the message for anyone coming back here.”</p><p>“Wipe the tears away and pack, girl,” Susan ordered Tilly. She wasn’t cruel, there was a lot of sympathy in her voice but Sadie was right, this wasn’t the time to cry. “We need to clean this camp in ten minutes, get to work!”</p><p>Nobody protested, even Uncle and Trelawny helped packing. Kieran went to get Jack. With a fast pounding heart, he climbed the stairs and entered the room of the boy’s fathers. </p><p>“Is Daddy and Pa home yet?” was the first thing Jack asked and it broke Kieran’s heart.     </p><p>“No, not yet,” he answered with a heavy heart and sat down next to the boy. Only then he realised Jack was curled in the sheets, in the scent of his fathers. He was scared and they weren't here to protect him, to tell him it was going to be fine. He only had their scents. Hopefully only for a short while, not forever. “They’ll be soon tho.”</p><p>He wasn’t sure promising something like that was a good idea. He couldn’t promise that. John was alive but there was no certainty that Sadie and Charles would be able to save him. Arthur could be dead already and Kieran was now lying to a child that trusted him.</p><p>“You promise?” Jack asked quietly.  </p><p>Kieran swallowed the lump in his throat. What would John or Arthur do?</p><p>He couldn’t decide and he didn’t want to lie further. So he changed the subject. “We need to pack,” he told the boy. “Move to the new home.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“We’re always moving,” Kieran reminded the boy with a tight smile. “Right? It’s just another trip.”</p><p>“I guess. But how will Daddy and Pa find us?”</p><p>“We’ll leave them a note,” Kieran explained. “It would be like treasure hunting.”</p><p>“Daddy looked for some treasures,” Jack said, a little more cheerful. “But he couldn’t find any and said the map was a scam.”</p><p>Kieran smiled again, this time more genuine. “This treasure he will find,” he said and tickled the boy’s belly. Jack laughed. “Come on, we need to pack your and your daddies’ things. Will you help me? We need to be quick so this can be fun.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Jack agreed, but without his usual enthusiasm. </p><p>Kieran already feared what would be his reaction when he would not allow to be fooled so easily anymore and started asking about his fathers again. Or what he would do if they wouldn’t be able to save Arthur and John. </p><p>Kieran’s heart was already bleeding at the thought.</p><p>His bad luck was back and this time it was hurting those he cared the most about. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>John: It’s Kieran, I don’t even like him that much.<br/>John’s brain after a shot from pregnancy hormons: But imagine he’s a ✨BABY!✨<br/>John: Goddamn it! *cuddles aggressively* 😑</p><p>So anyway, I recently found out Jack's name is really John Junior and I was shocked 😂</p></blockquote></div></div>
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